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OK, you know those random Jack White sightings you hear about that aren't actually of Jack White? They're of this chump, Brian Ermanski — who, from what we can tell, is everything that's wrong with life below 14th Street. In this week's edition of New York mag's Look Book, we learn that Ermanski is an artist who calls himself the Prince of Elizabeth (because he works outside on the corner of Prince and Elizabeth). Ermanski makes money by purchasing shitty thrift store clothes and reselling them to overpriced vintage boutiques like Resurrection, where you'll eventually buy his crap for $75 (because you're a total sucker). When he's not jacking up the price of used clothes, he perfects his "punk fop" look by wearing the same outfit for a month and only showering once a week.

We could go on and on about how we'd like to beat this dude unconscious with a bar of soap. Instead, Intern Alexis rounds up Sam Cochran, Jessica Suarez, and Matthew Schneier to discuss how they would like to beat this dude unconscious with a bar of soap.

Sam Cochran, editorial assistant

Describe what you think Brian smells like.

With a personal-hygiene routine as ambitious as his and a job that allows him to work (and probably sleep) outside, it only makes sense that Brian would reek of maple syrup.

Brian doesn't remember what happened last night. What happened last night?

To subsidize his burgeoning career as a tastemaker turned soon-to-be next big thing, Brian spent most of last night searching the city for discarded designer goods. By that I mean he trolled the Lower East Side for unsuspecting hipsters to befriend and then rid of their accessories. Unable to lure anyone with his charms, Brian returned to his fiefdom empty-handed only to be confronted by a belligerent NYU freshman claiming he was the true Prince of Elizabeth. Brian just didn't stand a chance against the determined South Carolina transplant.

What else did he invent?

According to Brian, Gwen Stefani totally stole his thunder on Hollaback Girl; he could spell "bananas" like five months, six even, before she ever could. Brian is also widely credited as the inspiration for, albeit not necessarily creator of, the Mystic Tan, emergency contraception, and Caller ID.

What has Brian done with all his back issues of Wallpaper?

Eager to reinvent himself as the prince of something bigger and better, Brian used his stash to decoupage his very own kingdom of Singaporean boutique hotels. No one will question his royal standing now.


Jessica Suarez, CMJ editorial assistant

Describe what you think Brian smells like.

Remember that time when you came in for office hours, and while you were looking down at your psych paper your prof put a hand on your thigh? When you looked up you smelled his breath, sour, like some food had decayed between his rotted teeth. So you made a face as if someone slapped you, and he withdrew the hand quickly. But it wasn't the hand (you wanted the hand) it was the breath.

That breath is kind of what Brian smells like.

Brian says he doesn't remember what happened last night. What happened last night?

Why, he and the others in the League of British Aristocrats spent all night saving their French counterparts from the guillotine in daring rescue! Then he rolled 12. This scarlet pimp LARPs deep.

Brian apparently invented long johns and boom boxes. What else did he invent?

He might have invented that delicious mixture of smug satisfaction and self-loathing you get from selling art back to the same urban professionals and ex-jocks that kicked your ass every day after 8th grade drama class. On another note, has Brian ever seen Do The Right Thing? The boom box thing is soooo 80s black cinema v rit , but I guess when you dress like a early 1900's fop you pretty much invent everything you touch, from the tele-phone to the horseless carriage.

What has Brian done with all his back issues of Wallpaper?

He bundles them tightly with leftover corset string, and leaves them in blue plastic containers on the curb. Boom, he just invented recycling. But a more pressing question is: What has Brian done with The Heart Of The Ocean?

Matthew Schneier, gad about town

Describe what you think Brian smells like.

With his inspired combination of early 20th-century couture and and not showering, Brian the Edwardian punk fop probably smells a good deal like his namesake, Edward VII, who's been dead since 1911 or so. Then again, with Vito Schnabel behind them, most people will tend to smell of cash and intrigue. I'm going to bet that Brian, ever the wild card, rejects both these possibilities and smells like desperation and ckOne.

Brian says he doesn't remember what happened last night. What happened last night?

Oh my god, what didn't happen last night? It was wild! First Brian attended NYU FmStud 111b, Introduction to Film (7:00-9:00 PM), then went to bed (10:30 PM), pausing only to discover and bring to the world's attention Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! and invent ironic T-shirts.

Brian apparently invented long johns and boom boxes. What else did he invent?

Sneakers; the resurgence of the vest; Brokeback Mountain; the human tongue.

What has Brian done with all his back issues of Wallpaper?

My guess is that Brian's art is composed entirely of his back issues, dramatically recut and glue-sticked into razor-sharp commentaries on society, the media, and royalty. He aspires to true first ape status, but as we all know, the first ape artist was Koko the
sign-language gorilla. Better luck next time.