Cigarettes Keep Falling on Your Head, But That Doesn't Mean Your Eyes Will Soon Be Turning Red
While mystery pizzas are falling on the East Village, the uptown kids are getting much luckier. Mystery cigarettes, it seems, are falling all over Manhattan, but only north of 23rd. A tipster incredulously reports:
Last Thursday, a pack of Marlboro Lights literally fell out of the sky and landed next to me on the corner of 39th and Park, a block away from my job. I assumed it had fallen out of a window or a ledge, or been tossed out of a car by mistake, though what kind of smoker would accidentally discard an almost-full pack of cigarettes, I have no idea....
On Saturday, I found another pack of Marlboro Lights in the crosswalk on 24th and 10th. Finding a second almost-full pack of cigarettes in three days seemed weird; finding two packs of the same brand seemed kind of uncanny.
This morning, I found a third pack of cigarettes, this one full with the plastic on, on 93rd and Broadway. This is a pack of Merit Lights; not the same brand, but still a Philip Morris company.
I'm curious whether I'm the only person this has happened to, or if there's a conspiracy/publicity campaign/alien invasion/terrorist attack. Either Philip Morris is working with Cornerstone or God wants me to die of cancer.
So, which is it? Does God want our tipster dead? Or is this a big Phillip Morris gimmick? Let us know if you've got any insight, or just some good conspiracy theories.
Oh, and if you can, try to get God/Phillip Morris to move this campaign further downtown, too. We've got some delicious pepperoni we'd be happy to trade for it.