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This just in:

Last night while walking past Mercury Lounge at about 4.30am I found a full pack of Marlboro Lights. After considering embarking on a cigarette treasure hunt for more, I then got to wonder why on earth Phillip Morris would choose to give out cigarettes so haphazardly. Some theories:

1. It's January. Everyone's trying to give up smoking as their New Year's resolution. This is a blatant attempt to fuck with willpower.
2. It's January and too cold to smoke outside, so the social smokers aren't smoking. If they CONTINUE to not smoke, they could give up for good. Phillip Morris is trying to lure the social smokers back into the smoking ring before they lose them for good.
3. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Whatever the reason is for this delightful plague — Phillip Morris stealth marketing, low-grade terrorist attack, God wishing cancer on us all — we're thrilled to hear it has spread below 14th. Please please please keep sending us sightings, and comment away if you've got good ideas on what's the hell's going on.

Earlier: Cigarettes Keep Falling on Your Head, But That Doesn't Mean Your Eyes Will Soon Be Turning Red