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The tabloid tug of war over the first Angelina Jolie-Brad Pitt biological offspring has begun in earnest, with Life & Style and US Weekly each interpreting their purloined sonograms in their own special way. According to mediawhore sister Gawker, L&S is going vagina, while Us cries penis. Each outlet undoubtedly has impeccable sources close to the couple, so we're forced to conclude that they're both right, in their own way. Never in the history of human evolution have two more physically flawless specimens joined to create new life, so we expect that the little bundle of joy growing in Jolie's womb is merely unable to choose between feminine and masculine perfection at the moment, and won't pick a gender until his/her mother's final contraction forces a split-second, instinctual decision. We recommend that all well-wishers refrain from choosing between pink or blue gifts for the time being, as showing up with the "wrong" color could emotionally damage the infant by making it second-guess its choice.