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Wherein we invite our readers to take a seat on humpy E! gossip-carnie Ted Casablanca's weekly blind item roller coaster, the tallest thrill-ride in four counties. This week, Casablanca zigs briefly towards three-ways and blow-monkeys before zagging to the less glamorous topic of balding anorexics. Throw your arms in the air and scream for One Wigged-Out Blind Vice:

Ted sez: "Because without good hair, whether it's dyed or natural, curly or ironed, where the hell would we be? Panicking like crazy alongside Musty Mayhem, it would seem. It's like this: The skinny ninny is not eating. And given her predilection for preposterously skanky clothes, that's no shocker. M2 doesn't look like she sucks on much sustenance, anyhow. I mean, she's been teensy for a long-ass time—even back when Lindsay Lohan was originally voluptuous. Can you remember that? Barely, I know. And now things have gotten bad. "She has alopecia," whispers an M.M. associate. "Her hair is falling out, and she is devastated." Read the item.

You say: Send your guesses to tips[AT]defamer.com with "blind" in the subject line, and we'll post the results later today.