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• Hip-Hop mogul Damon Dash keeps the area around 89th Street and Central Park West safe for his son, whose cell phone was stolen by local "thugs." Next up, Dash will work on eliminating gang activity outside Dylan's Candy Store. [Page Six]
• Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt settle the details of their divorce: He gets the production company, she gets the house and the bloated alcoholic. [IMDb]
• Model Molly Simms is reportedly unhappy with her picture in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. As it turns out, most women don't enjoy looking like Vegas hookers. [Gatecrasher]
• Rapper Eve falls for Teodorin Nguema Obiang, the son of Equitorial Guinea dictator Teodoro Nguema. Spending Christmas on Paul Allen's yacht, however, makes it easy for to Eve to forget that whole torture situation. [R&M]
• Because he knows how to read, Henry Rollins is a threat to Australian national security. [Page Six]
• Chelsea Clinton lays low with her new boyfriend, Goldman Sachs banker Marc Mezvinsky. Not that we were particularly intrigued by the whole situation. [Lowdown]