Friday:
 • The afterparty for Belle & Sebastian is almost the same thing as the concert, except that the Belles will be spinning other people's music rather than their own. Get your twee-fan on at the Royal Oak, starting at 10:30.
• Have a side of despair along with your usual pornography tonight as the Film Forum celebrates the twentieth anniversary of Blue Velvet. [flavorpill]
Saturday:
 • The Knitting Factory hosts a line-up of bands who bang on things. No, seriously: Bring your own pot or pan to jam with Whitehouse, Wolf Eyes, and Pig Destroyer. [flavorpill]
• The Times called the Whitney Biennial "short on pretty, long on collaboration." The Grey Lady's got the informed-distaste-makes-you-cool thing down pretty good, but head on over to the Whitney and see what you can come up with yourself. [Whitney]
Sunday:
 It's Oscar time — finally, Hollywood collectively blows its wad, and you get to wipe up the mess.
• For the truly insane, coverage begins at noon on E!, with red-carpet awkwardness commencing at 5:30. Head over to the TV Guide channel at the same time if you want to watch Joan Rivers rip apart everyone's couture.
• Come 8 PM, it's the big show, with poor Jon Stewart demonstrating that nothing can ever be truly funny if its on network television.
• Bonus for the freaks: If you want to watch and play online, our starfucking brother at Defamer will be liveblogging the whole ass and pony show. We just hope he doesn't spill Mad Dog on his keyboard.