• Remember Nancy Balbirer? She was the woman who told a story about her old roommate Jennifer Aniston, who believed in stuffing one's bra with chicken cutlets. Balbirer's back tonight at Mo Pitkins for SCHWAG!, her comedic performance art showcase featuring Mike Albo, Bob Morris, Cintra Wilson, et al. We don't think Aniston will be in attendance, but it doesn't hurt to hope. [Upcoming]
• A.M. Homes reads from This Book Will Save Your Life — a book that will not, coincidentally, save your life in any way. Find out what the hell she's talking about tonight at Barnes & Noble. [Paper]
• Two Gallants bring their sound of "sweet Americana" to the Bowery Ballroom. We've no clue when New Yorkers started tolerating any sort Americana, but we hear the band's good. [flavorpill]