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Let the distancing of Paris Hilton from the Shitfaced Brandon Davis Firecrotch Diatribe begin! Hilton publicist Elliot Mintz has constructed a clever defense of his client predicated on the assertions that 1) Davis and Hilton are, in fact, distinct, somewhat sentient organisms, and 2) that while Hilton did appear to enjoy her drunken friend's prolonged character-assassinating vagina monologue, she did not actually verbalize any of her feelings about Lohan, Lohan's insufficient net worth, or the approximate length of very sensitive parts of Lohan's anatomy. Damage controls Mintz to TMZ:

"The only thing I want to underscore is the person making the statements was not Paris Hilton," he says, "It is unfair to characterize Brandon's statements as being reflective of Paris' feelings about Lindsay. We're dealing with two different people. It was Brandon who was speaking, of course there are moments when Paris was laughing, but she never said anything. Brandon was speaking for himself not for her. Personally," he adds, "I found the incident unnecessary."

As for Paris egging Brandon on and holding up her cell phone, Mintz says: "Paris uses her cell phone as a defensive tool. Many times when you see her photographed in a crowd situation, she puts it up to her ear so she doesn't have to speak. In the cacophony and din of screaming, nobody could have had a telephone conversation. Reporters were asking her questions about Lindsay that she did not want to answer, so she put her cell phone up to her ear. Brandon was not speaking for Paris. Period."

Davis, it seems, could really use a publicist of his own right now (apparently, they don't issue you one automatically upon graduating from Spoiled Billionaire Club Monkey Finishing School), one who might argue that his "defensive tool" for coping with a press onslaught is an involuntary, expletive-filled disclosure of one's distaste for red pubic hair. The only flack who could pull off the Firecrotch Tourette's Defense is Leslie Sloane Zelnick, but she represents Lohan, so Davis will probably have to endure another couple of days of public pummeling without the benefit of a crisis manager willing to take on this suicide mission.