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This week's installment of New York magazine's Look Book tackled 18 different tourists; overwhelmed by the slew of possibilities, we almost disregarded the LB altogether. But we could not shake the image of poor Nils Asmussen, a student from Hamburg, Germany. Just look at him. Don't you want to grab him, swaddle him, and nurse him towards American normalcy? We can't explain it, but he reminds us of a fuzzy baby duck.

Anyhow! After the jump, Intern Alexis rallies Jessica Grose, Patrick Huguenin and Claire Zulkey for a round of international fashion police.

Jessica Grose, journalistic alpha-female

Where did Nils get that T-shirt?

Nils got the T-shirt from his host rapists... I mean host brothers, host brothers! He's here on an exchange program with his soccer team and inadvertently stayed at the lacrosse house at Duke before coming up the coast. They gave him the Blue Devils T-shirt as a parting gift, and also to cover the hazing scars.

Nils has a lot going on here. Let's get this guy a man-purse or something! What kind of consolidating system do you recommend for him?

Nils needs one of those giant backpacks with wheels that you see Upper East Side prep school kids rolling around so their wee backs remain unsullied. But he'd still keep the fanny pack, because what kind of German tourist would he be without the fanny pack?

We think we see something high fashion in Nils. If Hedi Slimane spotted Nils and asked him to be a Dior Homme model, would Nils do it? And what's the first thing Hedi would change?

Of course Nils would be a model — look at that fantastic Aryan bone structure! The first thing Hedi would change is those atrocious khakis. Personally I'd put Nils in a pair of fetching vinyl lederhosen as a nod to his heritage and his cute butt.


Patrick Huguenin, best friend ever

Where did Nils get that T-shirt?

Nils loves the Blue Devils. I took him to a Duke versus UNC game and, seriously, I've never had a better time. You stick pretty much a whole thirty rack in his backpack, throw in a flask of Malibu for the ladies, and get him to do that funny robot dance that Germans are good at. He showed us stats on his calculator watch. It was hilarious. But then he passed out and my boys kind of forgot about him.

Nils has a lot going on here. Let's get this guy a man-purse or something! What kind of consolidating system do you recommend for him?

No, see, Nils is organized. So organized that on his next trip to NYC he's going to bring a U-Haul Sport Trailer. You can hook it onto your belt.

We think we see something high fashion in Nils. If Hedi Slimane spotted Nils and asked him to be a Dior Homme model, would Nils do it? And what's the first thing Hedi would change?

Hold up. Nils would turn down Hedi Slimane. He's pure movie star, like that funny looking German kid.

Daniel Br hl?

Yeah! That creepy kid from The Da Vinci Code.

Um... Paul Bettany?

Yeah. That movie was fucked up.

Claire Zulkey, writer, blogger

Where did Nils get that T-shirt?

Aw, poor Nils. With the Duke Blue Devils T-shirt, I almost mistook him for a native (granted, a New York transplant from North Carolina.) I have a feeling the T-shirt might have come from one of those stands that sells gray-market goods (he couldn't find a Looney Toons T-shirt featuring Bugs Bunny and co. in hip hop gear?) I find it interesting, also, that he's representing the Blue Devils football squad, which is certainly one of the lesser-known sports at Duke.

Nils has a lot going on here. Let's get this guy a man-purse or something! What kind of consolidating system do you recommend for him?

To consolidate his goods, I would recommend that Nils look into the Tech Pack, as advertised on Saturday Night Live. The vest technology with the red plunger button works great, and with the new focus on liquid explosives, who cares if it looks like you're carrying a bomb! (Besides, Germans aren't
scary anymore.)

We think we see something high fashion in Nils. If Hedi Slimane spotted Nils and asked him to be a Dior Homme model, would Nils do it? And what's the first thing Hedi would change?

While I could definitely see Nils in one of those scary skinny suits that all the male models seem to be wearing now, maybe with a so-unironic-it's-ironic mullet, he seems like more of an everyday guy to go for that career path. A Dior model would never bring beer back to his girlfriend. He'd simply get a new, better New York girlfriend who cares not for the calories of beer.

Anyway, as a Chicagoan, I often feel the need to stand up for my Midwestern tourist counterparts who often get blamed for the congestion on Manhattan's streets. While I hate to throw Nils under the bus (or subway), I'm happy to bring attention to the fact that Euros, too, are responsible for delaying your commute to work by twelve seconds.