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As Paris Hilton explained in a call to Ryan Seacrest's radio show today, the single, citrusy cocktail that would go down in infamy for besmirching the failed pop starlet's otherwise immaculate reputation was the only thing swishing around in her stomach when police stopped her for "erratic driving." Having spent the better part of a lifetime attuning her senses to the needs of her own body, Hilton explained that she was merely gunning for the nearest In-N-Out burger to sate her hunger pangs—a rendezvous we now know was sadly not meant to be. That didn't stop the crack investigative team at the WOW Report from approaching the fast food franchise in an attempt at ordering up a side of exposé with their animal-style fries:

WOW Report: In your opinion did Paris Hilton seem intoxicated when she entered your establishment last night?
 In-N-Out Employee: Ha. You'd have to ask my manager about that.
Did he serve Paris?
 No no - SHE - didn't. I don't think she ever made it here; she got arrested, right?
Your manager got arrested?
 No, Paris Hilton!
I think so, it's confusing. But, in your opinion, did she look like she might have had more than the one drink she claims to have drunk?
 No, I didn't see her.
OK. Can you just say something along the lines of "she looked pretty wasted... if that's what one drink does to a girl... she smelled kind of like whiskey" or something like that I could quote you on? I won't use your name.
 No. Are you going to order something?

It's a credit to In-N-Out's fine caliber of staff that the cashier refused to fabricate a story. A lesser burger purveyor employee would have taken full advantage of the self-promotional and financial opportunities the scandal might have afforded them, by selling their first-person exclusive, "The Night I Almost Served Paris Hilton A Jack n' Frosty," to the highest tabloid bidder.