Friday
 • The woman who survived being licked by Andy Dick at the roast of William Shatner describes the feeling of his tongue on her flesh. You know you want to know. [Paper]
• Greek blogging mogulette Arianna Huffington reads from her new book, On Becoming Fearless. Suck up to her and maybe she'll fly you home on her private jet. [NYM]

Saturday
 • The Brooklyn Book Festival features dozens of authors who have, at one time or another, resided in, uh, Brooklyn. Prepare to overdose on Jonathans. [flavorpill]
• Mandolin! Banjo! Harmonica! It's all happening at the 9th Annual Park Slope Old-Time & Bluegrass Jamboree. We know what you're thinking: Gee, when did Brooklyn become the mecca of obscure cultural events? [Hello Brooklyn]

Sunday
 • Martin Short hits the 92nd Street Y to give an oral biography of his life and career. Heavily drink beforehand. [NYM]