Also, City's Crisis Hotline Is Two Dixie Cups and a String
Those of you who worry about the safety of the city's water supply should sleep a little more easily this evening. According to the News, our drinking water "is being guarded around-the-clock against toxic and biological weapons" by, uh, a couple of bluegill fish on loan from the U.S. Army. The fish are apparently able to detect any waterborne hazards and are constantly monitored by the city's Department of Environmental Protection. Woo hoo! We feel safer already! All we need now is to borrow a couple of canaries from the Marines to monitor the air supply and we're free and clear.
