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ConFonz returns with yet another conference report. This time he reports from the BEA Systems enterprise software conference at San Francisco's Moscone Center.

So, BEA World is going on at Moscone North this week. Last year, the event was held at the Santa Clara Convention Center, so this year is certainly a step up. The Conference Fonzie finds himself wondering if this company is in fact making any money here, what with the sky-high prices charged by this place. They obviously sprang for the more expensive meals, though the spreads hint that these sandwiches are the second-cheapest on the menu.

A note for BEA CEO Albert Chuang: Lose the windbreaker. If you're going to try and emulate Steve Jobs by wearing an actual black turtle neck, you need blue jeans to go with it, not the Gap's new skinny black pant. And the beige windbreaker on top made you look like some sort of 80s-style teacher trying to impress the cool kids with your hip "I'm really down to earth" wardrobe.

Another thing to keep in mind, Albert, is that when you book a customer, like Verizon, to speak as second keynote, they're not necessarily going to say anything about your products. Such was the case with Shaygan, CIO of Verizon, who spent an hour showing off the cool new things his company was doing with fibre to the curb. Not once during his entire presentation did Shaygan mention BEA or its products. Not even a "and we're able to do all this cool stuff because of BEA's JizmLogic...."

And those posters with the colored liquid? OK, sure, not so dirty, but the videos that show filled clips of said liquid being poured into water are just obscene. They look like graphic depictions of muppet semen being released into a pool.

Overall, a middling showing of a conference. What's with all the beverage cozies being handed out on the show floor? At least five of the 20-odd companies with booths here are hawking logo-emblazed beer cozies. Must be some sort of weird "Please, buy our company" tactic the Fonz was unaware of. Mental note, invest in novelty beer cozy companies.