• How do substance abuse specialists cut loose? By abusing substances, and aiding others to do so, natch. [Pissed & Petty]
• When you've been touted as the King of All Douchebags, it's hard to believe that anything in your deluded little world will be the same again. That is, until someone defends your honor and you realize that maybe — just maybe — there's social and professional redemption for all. Or um, not. [The Leveraged Sell-Out]
• What of it? Some people just like smelling other people's farts. [Me Big. You Little.]
• Shattering many a childhood fantasy, Rachel Parenta claims that Superman is, in fact, a giant pussy. [Smallhands Ick]
• Weed, masturbation, infomercials: all classic but ineffective cures for insomnia. [forksplit]
• How to get a buyback. [Eater]