Gossip Roundup: Malawian Baby-Free Edition

- Mary-Kate gets herself an oil heir, presumably one who can pay for his own porn. [MSNBC]
- Nicky Hilton and Kevin Connolly split, Kevin gets back at Nicky by sleeping with Turtle. [People]
- Wesley Snipes indicted for tax fraud, swears IRS has him confused with Omar Epps. [ABC]
- Diddy will marry Kim Porter when he's "ready", which is as soon as he finds a ghostwriter to write his vows. [Us]
- You know you're living the life when Salma Hayek says you "make the best shrimp quesadillas I have had." [R&M]