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  • Jude Law and Sienna Miller try to hop on the bandwagon that pulled out of the station last week by breaking up for the 48,000,000th time. [People]
  • Tom Ford not only doesn't wear underpants, he doesn't wear deodorant and he hates the smell of soap. All of which leads us to speculate that Black Orchid is actually secret code for Ball Odor. [NYMag]
  • Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes's long-awaited (by someone, we suppose) nuptials to take place this Saturday, to include these creepy Scientologist vows: ""Now, Tom, girls need clothes and food and tender happiness and frills, a pan, a comb, perhaps a cat. All caprice if you will, but still they need them." [NYT]
  • Paparazzi damage a child at one of Tom and Katie's soccer makeout seshes. [TMZ]
  • From the ounce or so that she's gained, it looks like Nicole Richie has finally heeded the unsolicited advice of the millions of gossip bloggers who have implored her to "like, eat a hamburger or something! lol!" [MollyGood]
  • George Clooney jokes about Tony Bennett's fondness for crystal meth and massages. Ha . . . ha? [R&M, last item]
  • Ellen Pompeo's weird-looking boyfriend proposes. [UsWeekly]