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Oh New York Magazine, how you tease us! Such an in-depth interview with spoiled shoemaker Alexis MacDonald, and yet nary a glimpse at the feet that people apparently "always stare at." We're left to our imaginings, which are vivid, and involve something "modern and wearable" with "nice slim lasts." Nice, slim . . . lasts. Oooh. Are you tingling yet, or is that just us? After the jump, Intern Alexis rounds up Joshua Bryce Newman, Rachel Fershleiser, Jon Boschetto, and Alexis Goldberg, who suggest plenty more ways that foot fetishists can milk this Look Book for all it's worth.

Look Book: Shopaholic Shoe Designer Alexis MacDonald [NYMag]

Joshua Bryce Newman, boy genius

What did she order at Cafe Gitane?
 A pack of Gauloises. Also, the arugula, beets, apple and green olive-walnut salad with
toasted goat cheese croutons. Though without the beets, greens olives,
walnuts or croutons. And with the dressing on the side.

Why didn't Jake photograph her feet for goodness sake!
 Of course he did. It's just that getting semen on a memory card can
render some of the pictures in it unreadable.

Why is it that Alexises are always so hot?
 It starts with genetics: former cheerleaders turned new MILFs, struck
in the delivery room with the Daisy Buchanan-esque insight that girls
best be "beautiful little fools," christen their daughters Alexis, in
the hopes that they, too, might one day cut third period math
Sophomore year to have unfulfilling and later unacknowledged sex with
the captain of the football team in the back of his SUV.

Then, of course, after nature comes nurture, as there are the special
summer camps, where young Alexises are sent (along with young
Madison's, Lara's, etc.) to learn the fine feminine arts of wearing
tight black pants, halter tops and strappy sandals while wandering the
Meatpacking district at night in the dead of winter, or of feigning
interest in hedge fund managers. That sort of thing.

What advice would Alexis have for a foot fetishist?
 That her boyfriend, Jean-Pierre, is watching you. And while he may be
a dirty, skinny, faux-Parisian 'installation artist' living off his
trust fund, he gets jealous easily, and turns violent when drunk.

Rachel Fershleiser, freelancer/Smith editor

What did she order at Cafe Gitane?
 Alexis ordered a mocha. She just loves that darling little puppy paw
print! Accessories speak volumes about coffee. Like most of the
Barbizon model and air-quote-designer Gitane clientele, she opted
against an actual meal. Sure, baked feta tastes good for a moment, but
slim lasts — and it's more flattering.

Anastasia had the cous cous.

Why didn't Jake photograph her feet for goodness sake!
 You don't understand Jake's art. A quick portfolio perusal reveals he
prefers to capture his subjects out of their element: His John Mayer
isn't preening in a compact mirror; his Elijah Wood isn't
furry-footing through the underbrush. His Al Sharpton isn't even
accusing his Tucker Carlson of suppressing the black vote. Plus he's
squeamish about bunions.

Why is it that Alexises are always so hot?
 According to a carefully conducted and rigorously verified Google
search, Ted Danson, Dennis Rodman, and Martha Stewart all have
daughters named Alexis. With genes like those, the girls were sure to
pop out swaddled in sex appeal. Another little-known fact: two-thirds
of Alexises are predisposed to be felons.

What advice would Alexis have for a foot fetishist?
 She'd like to tell him to stop staring at her fucking feet before her
jealous boyfriend beats the living shit out of him with something,
let's just say, a little clunkier than a Camper. But who is she
kidding? Her whimpster, shopaholic paramour wouldn't hurt a
tofuburger. Better luck next time, A-dawg.

Jon Boschetto, Urban Monkee

What did she order at Cafe Gitane?
 A WWD and a hot toddy. And perhaps another homespun Marc Jacobs knock-off.

Why didn't Jake photograph her feet for goodness sake!
 Don't stare into the sun!

Why is it that Alexises are always so hot?
 I don't know why but that is very true. I know one who likes to eat
spicy chicken wings with 7-Up. I like this Alexis, but she seems a bit
caught up in her fine jewels and fancy clothes and my shoes for my
taste. My vote goes for another Alexis who also pulls off Rick
Owens/H&M chic. You know who you are, Temperance.

What advice would Alexis have for a foot fetishist?
 A foot fetishist might have more advice for her than she for him.
Namely, "Get those doggies out! I need me some toes!" Or
alternatively, "Get your laws off my body!" But that's just
conjecture. He might say both. Or He might be a She, in which case
I've fallen prey to sad, sad heteronormativity. Regardless, I'm much
closer to a Comme des Garcons fetishist than a foot one and must say I
don't know if I'm qualified for such a sort of punditry.

Alexis Goldberg, Now With Stronger Minty Flavor

What did she order at Cafe Gitane?
 Nothing. While attempting to order the signature baked feta, she
noticed that her waitress was wearing campers. She was out the door
faster than you can say, "Repetto for Comme des Gar ons."

Why didn't Jake photograph her feet for goodness sake!
 Although we understand that "people stare at [her] feet" there is no
explanation as to why they stare. The ambiguity of this
statement tells the discerning reader that they stare not because her
taste in shoes is unparalleled, but rather because her failed attempts
at disguising a raging case of elephantitis of the left foot have
rendered her freakish and carnie-esque (She only knocked UGGs because
they don't come in size fatty).

Why is it that Alexises are always so hot?
 A question for the ages, Alexis.
"Alexis", derived from the Greek moniker Alexander, meaning 'helper
and defender of mankind', has a history of being attached to
notoriously attractive women.
(And, of course, yours and mine truly.)

What advice would Alexis have for a foot fetishist?
 "Accessories speak volumes. Whenever I meet my slave, I look at their
shoes and I can tell if we're going to mesh. And by mesh, I mean have
really kinky sex. With my feet. My giant freakish feet. Pretty great,
right?"