Blue States Lose: Steve Aoki Has A Fucking Blog
Holy fuck, it's cold outside. There's only one solution for weather such as this: Curl up by the fire with a loved one, a hot beverage, and a heavy dose of hipster mockery. That's right, it's time for Blue States Lose, where we warm our toes with a look at The Cobrasnake, Last Night’s Party, and Misshapes. After the jump, Alex Blagg delivers the necessary dose of whiskey to your coffee.
10. Spinner. Steve Aoki's Fucking Blog: Ever since they wiped out Prodigy in the great Family Internet Service Provider Turf Wars of the early 90's, America Online has become synonymous with totally bangin' streed cred, which is why it makes perfect sense for Steve Aoki to set up his inevitable blog on AOL's totally dope new underground music site Spinner. Tune in to read "Steve Aoki's Weekly Tirade" on such hot-button topics as: "Taking Pictures With Lindsay Lohan, Who's Coked Out of Her Mind", "Approving of Indie Rock Music That Even the Most Midwestern Dildo Would Describe as Hip", "Having No Sense of Self-Awareness" (not to be confused with "Taking Yourself Far Too Seriously") and, of course, "What Makes a Good DJ?" ANSWER: An iTunes account and access to Pitchfork.
9. The Cobrasnake. Buddies Cowbell photo #6887: Check out these eskihomos.
8. Misshapes. November 25th, 2006 photos #001: Trix aren't for kids anymore. They're for pseudopunk nineteen year-old twatwaffles who are starving after their latest big Urban Outfitters shopping spree.
7. Last Night's Party. Drop Dead Gorgeous photo #1082: I'm not sure what this chick's face looks like, but based on everything else I'm seeing here, I would guess she resembles Eric Stoltz in MASK, but with a crystal meth problem.
6. The Cobrasnake. Buddies Cowbell photo #6764: I know two cockhoses who didn't get that last Hipster Action Network newsletter about the bandana thing being both over and retrospectively retarded.
5. Misshapes. November 25th, 2006 photo #064: Gay Unabomber is the new black.
4. The Cobrasnake. Time of the Seasoning photo #7827: It's nice to see the Ghosts of Who Cares Past and Who Cares Present get together for a photo-op.
3. The Cobrasnake. Gumball 5000 photo #2289: I've stopped trying to understand what is happening in these photos and have since just — holy fuck, is that ROBERT EVANS in the back!?!
2. The Cobrasnake. Buddies Cowbell: You guys can be haters if you want, but this dude IS that fucking tiger!
1. Rockstar Energy Drink's "Next on the Decks" Contest Page: BLUE STATES LOSE PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT! Listen up people who play other people's music and try to pass that off as some sort of legitimate talent, because Christmas has come early this year. If you send the beverage company who makes Rockstar Energy Drink your "best mixed concoction of block rocking tracks" that prove you can "come hang with the big dogs", your "dreams could become a reality" by being chosen as "the Next Big DJ, as protege of Hollywood's hottest: STEVE AOKI", who is a millionaire's kid. Who's the lucky person to be crowned America's Next Top Insufferable Douchebag? Only time - and a ridiculously named energy drink - will tell.
