Great Moments in Journalism are submitted by readers, and can be sent to this address. The polls have closed and, as expected, your winner was that dude who got assraped by a "malevolent presence." [Brief Update: Dude went to see a priest, who somehow drew out the supposition that what brought on the attack was "my growing awareness of a hardness that's creeping into my attitude towards people less fortunate than me, and how it's appearing in my writing." In which case Gawker editors need to be aware that they will very likely be visited by a herd of violent, mouthfucking yaks.] In any event, today's nominee is after the jump: It's about that high school kid who dumped his jizz into a bucket of Thousand Island. We're really ending the year on a classy note here.


So, okay, "A student at Wheaton North High School is accused in a vulgar case of food tampering. Police say he put his bodily fluid into salad dressing in the school cafeteria." There are plenty of ways to handle this story: the disgust factor, the health factor, the "what's the matter with kids today" angle. And then there's this:

At Wheaton North High School the mission is to create self-directed students who make sound decisions. Last week one of those students decided to do the unthinkable when officials say he spiked a container of cafeteria salad dressing with his own semen.

Hey, we don't write 'em. We just bring 'em to your attention.

Wheaton North Student Said To Have Put Semen In Communal Salad Dressing [CBS2Chicago]