Blue States Lose: The Bangs Gang
It's a dull and gray afternoon, but that doesn't mean you can't let the light in. That's right, it's Blue States Lose, where we cast our torch upon the twunts who show up at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, andMisshapes.
After the jump, Alex Blagg turns on his little light and lets it shine.
10.The Cobrasnake. Cloan Jam 2002 photo #1234: You can be in their Black-Haired White Girl With Bangs Gang if you want, but you've got to have at least four meaningless tattoos, several t-shirts for bands you would never listen to, a Sidekick/Blackberry or other high end mobile device paid for by your father, the willingness to have coked up unemployed people put their penises into you, an interest in HPV and a disdain for common dignity. Oh, and you have to learn the secret gang signs.
9. Misshapes. January 6th, 2007 photo #030: I know you can't see yourself in the mirror, bro, but trust me - you look like an energy drink for ravers.
8. The Cobrasnake. Cottage Cheese photo #5580: Sometimes a photograph allows you to peer through the eyes of its subject and nakedly behold the thought frozen in their brain at the precise moment it was taken. The girl on the left, for example, is thinking, "Are you kidding me? You're goddamned right I'm going to fuck Steve Aoki later...but I'll totally make him wear a condom."
7. Misshapes. January 6th, 2007 photo #028: I hope you're paying attention Marc Jacobs, because Evil Box of Gay French Fries will be THE look of 2007.
6. The Cobrasnake. Bloody Science photo #0703: Or perhaps it will be Bi-Curious Elizabethan Dandy Jew.
5. Last Night's Party. Rockitronic photo #1544: If you can rip your peepers away from the scuzzy-looking penis flopping all over the place for just a second, you will be rewarded with the expression on the face of the cameraman standing nearby. Amazing. If you hold your ear close enough to the computer screen, you can almost hear his heaving whispers, "Snappity-snap. Mm Hmm. Work that lollipop. I've got my Elph out here. Oh, THAT one's gonna look fabulous. Geez, I could really use a Snapple right about now."
4. Misshapes. January 6th, 2007 photo #130: Even within the context of their moronic little downtown fantasy world, these hipster parties have gotten pretty fucking far from anything that could be mistaken for cool. A few years ago, having your picture up on the Misshapes site actaully meant something. It meant that you'd take looking like an idiot to the max in exchange for the attention of other insecure people with no self-awareness. Remember One Half Nelson? That guy was the Real Deal. Now any fuckstick from suburban Conneticut can watch a couple seasons of The OC, buy a terrible sweater from French Connection, move to Queens, not shave for a couple of days, and parade around these parties like Andy fucking Warhol. Even being a hiptard douchebag isn't sacred anymore.
3. Last Night's Party. Rockitronic photo #1254: Hey when you phone home to report your findings to the Intergalactic Douchegod, would you mind letting it know that the "Mac make-up smeared all over your face" thing ended sometime between the Heroin Craze of '05 and Jared Leto putting out an album? Oh nevermind, I'll just tell it myself.
2. Last Night's Party. Rockitronic photo #1915: You guys had better take a long look at this, because he REALLY wants to show you the happy results of all those hormone treatments!
1. Misshapes. January 6th, 2007 photo #047: Here's what happens when you get dressed right after listening to Boy George's album "High Hat" with A Clockwork Orange playing silently in the background as you flip through the pages of Desperate Art Student Quarterly while you masturbate and cry.
