People keep emailing us this deal announcement:

Former Creative Director at Deutsch, New York David J. Rosen's I JUST
WANT MY PANTS BACK, a downtown hipster's "Bright Lights Big City" for
today, about a 25 year old who is drifting and living it up, unsure what
direction (if any) to go in life, set in a current day New York City
that has changed dramatically over the years, but remains the same place
of exhilarating possibility and highs, as well as unforseen lows, to
Gerry Howard at Broadway, by Emilie Stewart at Anne Edelstein Literary
Agency (World English).

We can see why; it's kind of a perfect storm of irritating deal memo clich s. So much so, in fact, that we thought we'd use it as the template for an Irritating Publishers Lunch Deal Announcement Mad Lib, a tool we thought we'd helpfully provide to literary agents everywhere (cause they're the ones who craft these dreadful things).


[Corporate hack turned auteur] [Name's] [LAME ASS NON SEQUITUR TITLE], a [redundant descriptor, points for including a played to death buzzword like "hip," "edgy" "hipster" "downtown" or "snarky"]'s [SUCCESSFUL NOVEL THAT'S ALREADY BEEN THE TEMPLATE FOR A SLEW OF COPYCATS], about [an annoying sounding protagonist] who is [doing annoying things]. [Bad things happen], but also [good things happen], to [editor] at [publisher] by [agent] at [agency] (Rights).

Wanna make one up in the comments? Who knows — it might be the beginning of a lucrative literary career.

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