Jeanne Zheng says she is a "cosmetics executive." Mmm? We are pretty sure this is like when you read Cosmo and everyone quoted is a 23 year old "associate vice president of marketing" and it takes a while to figure out that all of those titles actually mean "professional Diet Coke drinker." Anyway, we digress. Jeanne Zheng was on her way to an interview at Phat Farm when New York Mag snapped her; after the jump, Intern Alexis rounds up Liam McEneaney, Catie Lazarus, and Livia Scott to speculate about whether or not she got the job.

Liam McEneaney, comedian/raconteur

So did Jeanne get the job? Why/Why not?
 It depends. If she was applying to be Inspector Gadget, then she
definitely got the gig. Other correct answers include: "Columbo,"
"Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca," and "that pervy guy who hangs out at
the playground and stares too long at the kids."

Jeanne says she would wear "anything that's covered in skeletons."
Find something covered in skeletons for Jeanne to wear.
 I think she meant this:

This image was lost some time after publication.


Jeanne claims she and Kimora once "totally connected really well."
What did Kimora think of Jeanne?
 Here's how I imagine the interview went down:

JEANNE: I don't really dress hip-hop. I did in high school, but that
was a different time. Now my style is more classy.

KIMORA: You realize that you're interviewing for a job at a hip-hop
clothing line, and you just called it not classy.

JEANNE: Yes, but I'm really self-absorbed and shallow.

KIMORA: OHMYGOD! ME TOO!

JEANNE: Soul sisters!

Catie Lazarus, writer/comedian

So did Jeanne get the job? Why/Why not?
 Jeanne said she was worried about showing too much skin at a job
interview, but had no qualms wearing a trench and looking like a
stripper. I don't think Phat Farm will hold that against her, but they
should question how she managed to make both Phat Farm and herself
look bad in a puff piece. Jeanne referred to her own style as "more
classy" than the one her potential employer sells which is about as
tacky as her fawning over Kimora, like they are best friends forever.
Instead of quoting Coco Chanel, famous for making uptight women look
even more asexual, Jeanne had a bevy of Def Jam poets to choose
between who are miserable in their temp jobs. (Jeanne may be joining
them soon enough.....)

Jeanne says she would wear "anything that's covered in skeletons."
Find something covered in skeletons for Jeanne to wear.

Dressing someone in the beauty industry in bones seems like a clich .
With the attention poor little rich models are getting for being rexi,
Jeanne can be a trendsetter by putting meat on her bones. Kimora, who
has confessed to her own weight battle, might not enjoy seeing
high-fat food around the office, but knowing that her ex, Russell, a
vegetarian, won't touch meat and therefore won't go near Jeanne's
knickers should offer some consolation.

Jeanne claims she and Kimora once "totally connected really well."
What did Kimora think of Jeanne?
 I don't think Kimora "thinks" about Jeanne, even though Jeanne thinks
they are b.f.f's. The time they met, Jeanne was applying eyeliner to
Kimora, who was nice to avoid getting poked in the eye. "Be nice to
the waiter so he doesn't spit in your food" goes double when you're
getting your face painted and you naturally look like the Joker.

Livia Scott, actor and comedian

So did Jeanne get the job? Why/Why not?
 I'm sorry to say that Jeanne didn't get the job because she was
wearing a breast cancer awareness pin. Although Kimora and Russell
split up, she often comes to his office a lot and hates looking at
stuff that triggers a sense of compassion or human fallibility, like
breast cancer awareness pins or the elderly. She'd be put on the
defensive, like, "What the hell is she doing, trying to make me
feel bad because I don't have breast cancer or something? What a
bitch," and Jeanne would have been fired. It's probably for the best.

Jeanne says she would wear "anything that's covered in skeletons."
Find something covered in skeletons for Jeanne to wear.
 Yeah, I don't really buy that. Jeanne obviously has a crush on some
guy who is also into pretending that he likes that kind of bullshit (I
bet his name is "Pete" / works in advertising?) and this is her little
shout out to get him to notice her, which he won't because he's a
douchebag. Anyhoo, a cute thing she could wear covered in skeletons
that would also make for a groovy Halloween costume is an issue of US
Magazine or Star or OK! On one side it could say "Jess Gets Thin for
Her New Man" (because Jessica Simpson used to be sooooo fat! Gross!)
and on the back it could be "Janet Is Too Skinny!" which is true, I'm
really worried about her. : (

Jeanne claims she and Kimora once "totally connected really well."
What did Kimora think of Jeanne?
 Nope, no connection. Wrong again, Jeanne! : ( But one thought did
cross Kimora's mind, "This chick kinda looks like me, and she
gets to do my makeup... boy is she lucky."

Cosmetics Executive Jeanne Zhang [New York]