If you're too cheap and/or broke to meet current Bolivian marching powder street prices, but still want to be well-prepared should your weekend adventures lead you to some inter-stall activities, you may want to consider Synth Coke, a llello alternative consisting of 100% pure, ground lightbulbs and priced at an affordable $9.95. (We have reason to believe this ad may not be entirely current, however, so we provide no guarantees that the $10 bill you stuff into an envelope and send off to Kittery, ME, will yield results.) Will it give you that welcome burst of cocaine courage you need to walk right up to that completely out-of-your-league chick? Probably not—but that's what alcohol's for! And just think of all the bonus get-to-know-ya time when that special lady keeps returning to tug on your sleeve, urgently whispering, "I still can't feel it!" before dragging you back to the restroom for another bogus bump.