We don't mean to offend. (Heh.) But! Can someone tell us what's up with sassy black ladies sometimes having a name for their "fun" alter ego? Everyone already knows about multiplatform diva Beyonce's onstage persona, "Sasha." But did you know about executive assistant and hair model Dorcas Meyers' alternate personality, Gwenevere? No? Well, after the jump, Intern Alexis rounds up Bob Powers, Amanda Melson, and Isaac Kardon to figure out exactly what Dorcas means when she says that Gwenevere is "free."

Bob Powers, writer

Dorcas is thinking about getting a tattoo. What should she get?
 A tattoo is forever. She'd better pick one that will apply to all of the multiple personalities she's created to help her tolerate her miserable dayjob working for headhunters (also known as "having a
breakdown"). So how about "Naked Eartha Kitt Sobbing In A Corner." It'll quiver with sobs every time she slams the phone down after another cold-call hangs up on her.

What kind of jeans does Guenevere, Dorcas's alter-ego, wear?

Nice try at correcting her spelling. It's GWENEVERE [sic].

Dorcas made it clear (did the interviewer have to ask "Am I speaking with Dorcas or Gwenevere now?") that she and Gwenny are exactly the same, except Gwenny "has fun." Pooor Dorcas. She's free, she's
loving, but she can't have a good time unless she experiences an identity dissociation. The woman is hanging by a thread and you want me to dress her up in jeans?

Okay, since she's the fun one, I'll go with Osh Kosh B'Gosh overalls. Assless.

How would she outfit your average investment banker if she had the chance?
 Dorcas (no fun) would dress her I-banker in a stiff, musty suit. Gwenevere (imaginary) would dress him in a unicorn pelt and give him a magical staff with which he can summon eagles. Then she'd accuse him of conspiring with the FBI to control her thoughts. The woman is unhinged, s'what I'm saying.

Amanda Melson, comic and writer

Dorcas is thinking about getting a tattoo. What should she get?
 I'm thinking a scalp tattoo that says "Hey Vicki at King of Kings Beauty Parlor, tone it down!"

What kind of jeans does Guenevere, Dorcas's alter-ego, wear?
 Whatever looks good on her alter-butt? I don't know, is it really cool to have an alter-ego with a name? Dorcas seems like a lot of fun, but if she leaned over the cubicle wall and told me "I'm Gwenevere right now!" I might make some calls. So, I guess ol' Gwennie wears whatever jeans her "therapeutic community" allows.

How would she outfit your average investment banker if she had the
chance?
 "Mr. Struggles? Your name is now Zanzibar. You're getting extensions, a knitted man-poncho and a purple Vespa, now get out there and recruit some FUN!"

Isaac Kardon, writer
Dorcas is thinking about getting a tattoo. What should she get?
 I recommend a red and black neck-scorpion, and not just because that's the usual go-to tattoo, but because it will reflect her psychotic attachment to the venomous critters. An "I Heart Dorcas" tat might
also be appropriate if she can bear the cruel jeering of heartless middle schoolers and insecure ex-lacrosse players.


What kind of jeans does Guenevere, Dorcas's alter-ego, wear?
 Her free spirited alter-ego may be in the market for the very seldom employed but highly underrated ass-less variety of jeans, pioneered years ago by Prince and Yosemite Sam (independently). Though it is
obviously a powerful and provocative statement, it seems like her sassy, no-nonsense demeanor will inure her to the inevitable ridicule that will ensue. Or maybe just some "skinny" jeans, or whatever.

How would she outfit your average investment banker if she had the
chance?
 The traditional dark suit, aggressively shiny tie, and overcompensating decisiveness will certainly not be out-of-the-box enough for dear Dorcas' eclectic tastes. Focus groups rejected the idea of dreadlocks and gigantic sunglasses, citing the presence of "altogether too much 'ethnic flava' for a banking environment," so she would probably fall back on snow white skin, white patent leather shoes, candy-striped socks, tweed pants, skinny black tie, and a velour jacket. Add fedora to taste.

Dorcas Meyers, Executive Assistant And Hair Model [NYMag]