"You know Versailles? It's kind of Versailles-looking," says Parisian retailer Pascal Legrand of his children's wardrobe. How utterly European and charming! Or something. After the jump, Intern Alexis gathers Jackie Sibblies, David Roth, and Bennett Madison to discuss Pascal's... 'ow you say, je ne sais quoi.

Jackie Sibblies, web editor at Topic

We want add a fourth bracelet to Thais' collection. What kind would
you give her?
 She's adorable! I would get her a bracelet made out of umlauted vowels.

What does Gia have to say about all this?
 Gia is much too cute to speak; she only giggles, and makes spit bubbles in the shapes of baby animals. This could be loosely translated as "I know we're impossibly hip, but aren't I too young for the black-leggings-under-shorts combo?" or "Psssketti!"

Eloise named her turtle Skipperdee and her pug Weenie — what would
Thais name her turtle and pug, respectively?
 The turtle should obviously be named after her fave things, but the romance languages have too many words for "pink" and "diamond." Thais would use the language of cinema, naming it "The Production Design for 'Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend' from Howard Hawkes'Gentleman Prefer Blondes(1953)"
The pug? Simply, "tu connais le pug, oui?"

David Roth, writer and contributor to Can't Stop The Bleeding


We want add a fourth bracelet to Thais' collection. What kind would
you you give her?
 She's the one in the tights? You want me to make fun of the kindergartner? It's cool, that's actually not a problem. Anyway, seeing as she's already got both the pirate's head and the wish-fulfilling bracelets, I think it's less about what the next bracelet should be than where she gets it. It must be purchased be from a jewelry cart in Paramus Park Mall, after walking around the entire floor plan of said mall. And Pascal has to go with her. That should start bleaching the whimsy out of this children's book
illustration of a family. Also, he needs to wear that hat. Oh, and he must eat something orange from the Manchu Wok upstairs in the food court. Come to think of it, I don't even know if Thais needs to go out
there.

What does Gia have to say about all this?
 Good news/bad news on this one. Fortunately, I can read thoughts. Sadly, since I don't speak French or Spanish, it's hard to decipher what's going on in Gia's head. However I do, like the Legrand family,
speak a little bit of Italian, so I can give you a rough summary of some of her thoughts. She thinks that the angle at which she has been photographed, combined with her hairdo and giant baby face, makes her
look like a Hasidic yeshiva student. Also, she wants ice cream.

Eloise named her turtle Skipperdee and her pug Weenie — what would
Thais name her turtle and pug, respectively?
 Gaston and Professor Phipps, respectively. Look, I'm just reading the thoughts, Alexis, I can't help it if they're not funny.


Bennett Madison, children's novelist

We want add a fourth bracelet to Thais' collection. What kind would
you you give her?
 Ok, so the point of this whole feature is like making fun of these ridiculous people, right? But these are children. What I am supposed to say about children I do not know. One of them is an INFANT. I
hate babies as much as the next person, but really these ones look kind of adorable, and also isn't hating babies sort of pass now anyway? The dad could possibly be an asshole (not into the skullcap
thing personally) but he's pretty really hot, so who cares? I'm a sucker for a man with an infant in his arms.

As for Thais and her bracelets, there is clearly a bracelet rivalry between little Gia and Thais. I can understand that. Thais may have more bracelets than Gia, including her enchanted wish-bracelet, which
counts double, but Gia's bracelet is in the end better because it is solid actual gold. (Playing favorites???) So I think Thais is fixing to steal Gia's bracelet, and I hope daddy has it locked away in some kind of safe deposit box.

What does Gia have to say about all this?
 So this started me thinking about my own children. I am planning on getting two someday. They're going to be named Whatevia and Gaylord. (Girl and boy.) They are going to be maybe not as Eloise as these little girls but also really cute. Whatevia is always going to wear a technicolor dreamcoat and lots of ribbons in her hair like the
Braided Man of Ozand Gaylord is only going to wear tails and patent leather shoes and he shall carry a jeweled cane or scepter. I think about it all the time and can't wait. When they are a little older — say, six or seven — I'll take them to Buck-A-Pound and they can pick their own outfits. They can get whatever they want.

I don't know what Gia thinks about any of this. Probably nothing because she is a baby. But she looks pretty happy with the lollipop.

Eloise named her turtle Skipperdee and her pug Weenie — what would
Thais name her turtle and pug, respectively?
 Did you know that Tara Reid had a dog named Tequila? (I think.) Probably you did and who cares anyway I guess. I don't know what this child would want to name her animals but I'm glad she doesn't have a
bird, because they can be incredibly jealous and they will literally try to peck your eyes out if you try to go near the man of the household. If you ARE the man of the household, they like you to jerk them off. This is actually true and you would be surprised how many people oblige them. In conclusion, I give Thais and Gia two thumbs up. Dad I give two thumbs way up for being a total fox. I don't really have much mean to say about some hot man and his infants. Maybe everyone else is puking right now from the cloying cuteness of these babies, but personally I am charmed: I have only three bracelets. For one, you can make a wish, and when it breaks the wish comes true, but you can't tell anybody.
Chic Parisian Pascal LeGrand And His Children [NYMag]