Blue States Lose: The Curious Case of Big & Tall
The DipShits forgot to update their page with pretty pictures from their cool party this week, but fear not, for the Cobrasnake was on hand to document all the douchebaggery for them. That's why Alex Blagg is spending most of this week with the Snake, with a brief detour at Ambrel. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Blue States Lose.
10.The Cobrasnake. Second Fireman photo #1811: I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. This Misshapes regular seriously creeps me the fuck out with his beady little eyes, his balding hair and his Big & Tall suits. On a creepiness scale, I'd say he falls somewhere between incestual rape and "Machine" from that shitty 8mm movie.
9.The Cobrasnake. Braces Yourself photo #2215: In case the thick black glasses and stupid key thing hanging around his neck were too subtle of hints, there's a little something our friend here would like you to know about how he views himself.
8. The Cobrasnake. Braces Yourself photo #2257: Hahaha, I bet for like the last 6 months, this dumb bunny thinks she's been fucking that Devon Barnhart dude.
7. The Cobrasnake. Second Fireman photo #1818: Is he praying to the gods of ridiculous outfits in hopes that the pile of old clothing will somehow become neon, golden and magical?
6. The Cobrasnake. Second Fireman photo #2004: "You guys, like, what's the big deal?"
5. The Cobrasnake. Second Fireman photo #2149: Between the bones broach and the frosted bangs, I'd say this champ pulled off his daring Robert Smith/Suburban Soccer Mom mash-up quite nicely.
4. The Cobrasnake. Beyond Retro photo #0449: The lovely lady in the background is just about the classiest thing to happen to cigarettes since Internet fetish porn chicks starting smoking them out of their vaginas.
3. The Cobrasnake. Beyond Retro photo #0584: I really can't decide whether Johnny Rambo Bullets Belt, in the frenzied heat of this raging douchebattle, is preparing to launch himself over the railing, or simply fuck it.
2. Ambrel. Trash! 5th Anniversary Party photo #3188: A denim ballerina skirt with a fake-ripped tights/tee combo and ambigous sexuality? This is the fashion equivalent of watching 9/11 happen on an infintely looped tape with that "Dontcha Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me" song playing in the background, over and over for all of eternity.
1. The Cobrasnake. Afternoon Beerbath photo #0581: This is the hipster hand signal for "Help, I'm fat and balding, and have recently arrived at the realization that my current lifestyle, particularly when one considers my age, is completely and hopelessly ridiculous. What the fuck am I supposed to do now!?!"
