Just because People owns Brangelina doesn't mean Us Weekly is giving up the fight. This week's issue has what looks like an oddly high-res cameraphone pic of Katie Holmes on the cover, robotically clutching a cooing Suri. Okay, fine, so they couldn't get the Brangelina pics in Vietnam, so they went for a decent Katie-Holmes-is-being-controlled thingie. But inside the mag, Janice Min's well-manicured claws really come out.

First of all, contrary to several reports, Us has it that Shiloh was in Vietnam with the rest of the fam at a fancy hotel in Ho Chih Min City: "Four bags of toys were brought into the suite, including two remote-control cars, a train set and a musical bear, while nannies scrambled to change baby Shiloh, 10 months. 'You've got a pooey nappy, cutie!' said one. 'I know you want to play, but you smell.'" First of all—nappy? Maybe Angelina suddenly has a British nursemaid, but something about this anecdote stinks. And it's not Shiloh's nappy.

But even funnier is a two-page spread called "Britney: True or False," where the mag sets out to debunk various myths—all, it turns out, propagated by other celeb mags—about Brit's stay at Promises. Life & Style claimed that Justin sent Brit a love letter in rehab—false! Star says she's addicted to Coke—false! The National Enquirer alleged that Cher sent Britney a care package—false! The only item on the page that's true? The item that Us reported on February 26, that Britney has her Chihuahua Snow White with her in rehab, against the rules.

Combined with Janice Min's full-page Editor's Letter about Us's seven-year anniversary—Us has won a lot of awards!—the mag seems totally prepared to slog this one out. Meouch.

Earlier: Angelina Jolie and 'People': Who Adopted Whom?