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NICK DOUGLAS — Why even bother recapping the Wall Street Journal's latest profile of Mark Zuckerberg? Andy Kessler's profile of the Facebook founder (published with the embarrassingly Matthew-Perry-esque illo shown here) is a parody of itself, really, like a Mad Lib built from all the other silly profiles of him and his site. In fact, the only surprising thing about this profile is the handful of requisite look-how-kooky-he-is details that the paper didn't include. Below, what the Journal caught this time around ("Facebook is big! All the kids! Big!") and what it missed ("I'm CEO, bitch!"):

Got it

  • They wear t-shirts at Facebook!
  • They turned down Yahoo's $1 million offer!
  • Mark is 22! Also, note that he is 22! And he employs people!
  • Jolt soda! Nerf guns! Other products that actually may not have been in production since '94!
  • It spread organically, people! He told his friends and it spread!
  • Please note that his friend is one year older than his age of 22!
  • Facebook is big! All the kids! Big!
  • Wisdom of crowds!
  • Facebook groups! Sometimes they are silly!
  • It's not MySpace! Ha! Ha!
  • The attention has not affected him and he is still just doing this for all of us, guys! Yay Mark!
  • Newsfeed! Pretty cool idea!
  • Some people complained about a thing and Facebook didn't shut them down! Wow! Web 2.0! Wisdom of crowds!
  • Flip-flops! He wears them! This is unheard of among college-age boys!
  • Hotties!

Missed it

  • I'm CEO, bitch! It's on his card! (Fortune)
  • Golden Retriever in the office! (Ibid.)
  • Sandals! [Note to those over 30: They're different than flip-flops, bitch. — Ed.] (Rolling Stone)
  • Blazer and blue jeans! And $#%!@#$%@#$ FLIP FLOPS OH MY GOD HAS THERE EVER BEEN SUCH A BOLD STATEMENT!!!!!111one (New York Times)

Nick Douglas writes for Valleywag, Blogebrity, and Look Shiny. He is 22. Flip-flops are for frat boys.