Albert Podell has a problem. Well, maybe a quite a few problems, but this is the one today's House 'n' Home section sent Joyce Wadler to hone in on: even though he is a rich lawyer, ladies tend to run when they see his scary, tiny, rent-controlled apartment. In an article full of precious gems (hot decor tip: "No stuffed animals, even if you are dying." On someone's prospective suitor: "He was very cute, but then I realized he was totally unsuccessful") Mr. Podell is the shiniest jewel. He actually thinks that it is okay to have sheets from 30 years ago patterned with "intergalactic battles or pink hippopotami or the Beatles," and to stock his kitchen cabinets with nothing but a six month supply of powdered milk for his cereal.

But the biggest problem may be his vocabulary, not his decor: "I was dating this very nice woman, I thought. I was ready and she was ready to do the big deed..." Gahhhh squared! It's surprising, then, to learn that Mr. Podell has, in fact, found romance. Of a sort.

"His love life, however, is great. He has a 22-year-old Russian girlfriend, whom he met in Malta. They have taken vacations to Asia, Europe and India, with Mr. Podell footing the bill. Mr. Podell's girlfriend lives in Moscow. She has never seen his apartment." So the Beatles were wrong! It turns out you can buy love.

It's Not You, It's Your Apartment [NYT]