Halle Berry tried to kill herself once! When will her shocking revelations of victimhood end? When she stops having movies to promote, maybe. [Page Six]
How could soccerball-bender David Beckham ever have eyes for anyone besides his lovely wife Posh Spice? [Page Six]
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have reached a divorce settlement: he gets $1 million and 50% physical custody of the kids. [TMZ]
Porn queen Jenna Jameson is in hiding (or at least her v is) after a purported botched vaginoplasty. [R&M, 2nd item]
The bulge in Jonathan Rhys Meyers' Tudor tights? All peen. [R&M, last item]
