Blue States Lose: But Florida Loses The Most
Florida: Home of rednecks in the north, rich folks in the south, and your grandparents if you're Jewish. This week it's also home to everyone's favorite nightlife photography roundup, Blue States Lose! Take a Sunshine State-themed stroll through Last Night's Party , The Cobrasnake, and Miami Rockstars with tour guide Alex Blagg.
10.Last Night's Party. Oh, Miami photo #9861: Dear, I know you love this song, and I know you really wanna join your retarded friends dancing on that couch, but if you're not careful, your tiny heroin jeans are going to fall down and the whole world is going to see the void that exists where your ass should be.
9.Last Night's Party. Miami House photo #9070: Since when did the hipster photogs start showing up at random meth labs in rural Nebraska and snapping pics of whatever trash happens to by lying around?
8. Last Night's Party. Bob Sinclair photo #0883: If anyone could pull off the elusive "punk rock ballerina flapper lady who lives with her cats" look that's all the rage right now, it would be our lovely Ms. Peacock here.
7. The Cobrasnake. Out of the Woodwork photo #0589: This, ladies and gentleman, is a modern tragedy of nearly Shakespearean proportions. I mean, this poor guy's taken the time to painstakingly badazzle the everliving fuck out of himself, but maybe to a point of excess, as he can't even see how razzle dazzled he looks right now.
6. Miami Rockstars. Miami Rockstars photo #9160: We've finally found the don of the hipster mafia. He's just sits in his white-satin covered office, taking club drugs, and utilizing his staff of teenage runaways to carry out his nefarious plans, most of which involve bringing him more ridiculous shit to wear.
5. Last Night's Party. Steve Aoki vs. Junior Sanchez idiotic conversation transcription: Blakeley, let's adapt this into a short screenplay and shoot that motherfucker. Except I think it would be funnier if we played it as a couple of shock jock morning crew wacky radio DJ's (who maybe call themselves "Dirty Sanchez and Aoki Bear") trying to decide whether the drivetime crowd would rather hear Phil Collins, Paul McCartney or Cat Stevens. Either way, it's pretty much the same thing.
4. Last Night's Party. Justice D.A.N.C.E. photo #0929: Dudes - maybe if we had more neon things, face scuzz, and doped-up expressions, these infernal contraptions would work so we could play other people's music better!
3. The Cobrasnake. Out of the Woodwork photo #0463: The get-up might not look like much, but if she bats her eyelashes really fast, she can FLY!
2. Last Night's Party. Oh, Miami photo #9910: Hey-O! I'm gonna come right out and tell you guys, the photos have been a little boring these past few weeks and I've been phoning it a bit, and was thus completely unprepared to deal with the reality of this guy. He's like an undead, re-animated American Apparel employee zombie, stalking around the party collecting pieces of dipshit flair and eating the teenage brains he needs to survive. Also, I think his eyes might be lasers.
1. Last Night's Party. Justice D.A.N.C.E. photo #1018: Just...wow. It's like Screech fucked that kid with MS from "Last Comic Standing" in the middle of a hacky-sack game in a Phish parking lot and the resulting child grew up to be a hippie raver who sweats profusely and thinks he knows magic.
