Stalk of the Town: Jude Law's Downward Spiral
The date: Apr 10, 2007
The place: Grays Papaya, 37th and 8th
Sighting: "Jude Law going into Grays Papaya. He was talking on his cell phone as he walked in. He came out with a big bag, looks like he took lots of hot dogs to go! Jude better watch that figure of his!"
Take a moment, close your eyes and remember the first time you saw Jude Law in The Talented Mr. Ripley. Tanned and oiled to the height of physical perfection, he actually got an Oscar nomination for being hot. And that was fine. He was extremely hot.
Now, fast forward seven years. He's regularly forced to share billing with at least three other actors to open a movie, the only awards he's getting are random French things nobody's ever heard of, and, perhaps most distressingly, it appears his hair is not in it for the duration. Is it any wonder the man wants to talk things over with a big bag of hot dogs?
Some people may point to a string of high-profile bombs as the turning point for Jude, and being in every movie made in 2004 certainly didn't help. But, perhaps what actually happened to Jude is a problem that has plagued many doe-eyed Hollywood starlets before him: letting one's personal life eclipse one's career.
First, he leaves his wife and kids for a younger co-star. Then, he cheats on said co-star with the kids' nanny. Obviously, the next step is flashing his (unimpressive) privates. And finally, in an ironic twist, hooking up with Lindsay Lohan. It's so textbook.
Regardless, looking at pictures of Jude from a few years ago has reminded us of something. He really is an exceptionally good-looking fellow. So Jude please, put the bag of dogs down, step away from the Lohan and buy yourself some Propecia. Come back from the Costner-like abyss before it's too late. In another seven years they may remake Wild Hogs, and no one wants to see you in it.
