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"I was afraid of looking too Euro, so I put on this little straw hat that I usually wear in the summertime," graphic designer Kareem Collie tells New York magazine's Look Book this week. We often worry about looking too Euro, too, except NOT REALLY. Wait, Josh probably does worry about that. See, this is why we have to try harder to stop saying "we." After the jump, Intern Alexis gets Rachael Parenta, Jack Silbert and Scott Eckert's opinions on the whole "going by all three of your given names" issue.

Rachael Parenta, Computer Mover/Joke Teller/Ninja

What's Professor Collie got in his pocket? It's bulging.
 Professor Collie has a pocket full of scrunchies. Dreadlocks can chafe the neck if left dangling too long. It takes a pocket full of scrunchies to give this graphic designer some relief from the pounds of his locks.

This photo's very dynamic and they seem to be discussing something. What?
 Kareem is telling Donald, "Yes, Donald, last night was great. Well, I could have done without the accidental teeth action, but that's not the point. The point is I don't really think we should date for what would be a third time. We're best as graphic designer partners and nothing more. I just love you too much to risk you ripping my heart out yet again. I've short-circuited the IMacs with my tears twice now. Heartbreak just isn't cost effective for the firm. Donald tries to respond, "I didn't ask to date a third time—-" To which Kareem says, "Shhh, baby, we just can't."

Kareem Dimitrious Collie's real name cannot really be Kareem Dimitrious
Collie. What's his real name?
 Kareem's Collie's name is Mordechi O'Hanlan Rameriz Entonelli. The Collie is 5th generation Hell's Kitchen whose initials spell M.O.R.E because Kareema and his Collie always want more.

Describe Kareem and Donald's "aura."
 Kareem and Donald have a bright, florescent, "Don't hit me I'm biking at night" orange aura. It clashes with everything. The aura's scent is reminiscent of the Gawanus Canal. Listen guys, you can keep the hats but that aura has got to go.

Jack Silbert, writer, editor and bon vivant

What's Professor Collie got in his pocket? It's bulging.
 The ol' Perfesser has placed one Skittle in his front-right pants pocket each year that Milli Vanilli has been denied induction to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It is an injustice that he cannot simply blame on the rain. Franklin doesn't have the heart to tell his chum about the Hall's "25 years after release of first record" requirement.

This photo's very dynamic and they seem to be discussing something. What?
 Collie is making a very compelling argument for diagonal shoulder straps, while Franklin defends conventional handles. However, the two are soon giggling like schoolgirls when Franklin interjects, "Well, honey, if you get to be the Professor, I'm Thurston Howell III."

Kareem Dimitrious Collie's real name cannot really be Kareem Dimitrious
Collie. What's his real name?
 Kareem Dimitrious Collie's real name was Donald Ray Franklin. He had it legally changed in college, as people kept assuming he and Donald Ray Franklin II were a parent and child who looked like siblings (much like the Judds, whose first record was released 24 years ago). So he constructed a new name using his favorite cheese, his favorite antonym of meritorious, and his favorite flower.

Describe Kareem and Donald's "aura."
 "I hope the contract gets signed before they figure out we're not Big Boi and Andre 3000."

Scott Eckert, writer

What's Professor Collie got in his pocket? It's bulging.
 A journal, a diary and an iPod for dictation. He's a professor. His ideas are important.

This photo's very dynamic and they seem to be discussing something. What?

I was there, so this is my recollection.

DONALD: I'd like to meet that tall guy from 300.
 KAREEM: You mean that king guy? He was, like, nine feet tall.
ME: But they did that with computers, right?
BOTH: (blank, corpse-like stares)
ME: You're graphic designers. Doesn't it look like CGI to you?
BOTH: (a glassy emptiness betraying idiocy and hatred)

Then they argued about where to get vegetarian tacos for about 20 minutes.


Kareem Dimitrious Collie's real name cannot really be Kareem Dimitrious Collie. What's his real name?

This is a tough one since he's gone to such lengths to mask his true identity, donning the professor guise on top of his Kareem persona. (Bruce Wayne pioneered the method by sometimes wearing a Betty White get-up over his Batsuit.) My knee-jerk guess: Link, Morpheus' operator and a genuine child of Zion.

But the answer is simpler than that: Marshall Hennes, 34, from Albany. No amount of peanut butter in his hair or anguish-laden pleas to God can change that—which is exactly what Mr. Jagoff "Donald" Joylesslifeson to the right has been saying for years.

Describe Kareem and Donald's "aura."

Rebellion. Anarchy. And Death . Don't be fooled by Kareem's playful check pants or Donald's rainbow scarf; the stench of misery and cruelty permeate all they touch. Donald replaced the fucking sailor buttons on his RL blazer!!! That spells badass better than anything this side of scalping Laura Ingalls Wilder (which Kareem allegedly did).

Dapper Graphic Designers [NYM]