Janice Su Has An Asian Ball-Jointed Doll
New York magazine, the most beloved magazine of its generation, is really getting into "novelty" in its weekly Look Book man-on-the-street feature. It's killing us. Seriously, going to the Comic-Con and asking people about the particulars of their superhero outfits? Really, Amy Larocca? We're not implying that it's beneath you or anything, it's just, like... *cough* isn't this kind of thing what Time Out New York is for *cough cough.* What? Oh, nothing! Anyway, student Janice Su has a doll. She makes him little outfits, and then she makes herself matching ones! After the jump, Intern Alexis has Jon Friedman, Guilia Rozzi, and Naomi Leibowitz discuss why this might be.
Jon Friedman, writer/comedian, host of The Rejection Show
What does Janice Su's front look like?
I couldn't help myself and actually looked Janice Su up on the Internet and was able to see exactly what she looks like. I'd describe her here perfectly but I don't want to get... Su-ed. Thank you! (You're very pretty Janice, why do you want to hide under a dinosaur top? I was a student once too, and yes these can be very angsty times. If I had a dollar for every time I wanted to put on a dragon suit and face the other way...but you'll make it through. Things will get better Janice. Believe in yourself.)
What do Janice and her doll talk about?
Janice: Are they still there?
Doll: (silence)
Janice: I think they're still there.
Doll: (silence)
Janice: They're definitely still there.
Doll: (silence)
Janice: I love you.
What do Janice and her doll wear to when they summer on Nantucket?
Janice and her doll wear matching handmade brontosaurus leg pants (capris) with upper body werewolf fur shirts (not itchy, no sleeves), Frankenstein side-neck bolts, peach bald caps (with horns) and circular black eye paint (won't run) in the summer.
What does Janice Su's front look like?
Her eyes have that "Cindy Brady looking vacantly into the video camera when she was on the kids quiz show" stare. She has three scars above her right eyebrow from failed attempts at eyebrow rings back in 1997. She got braces later in life and is just now exploring the wonders and joy of getting elastics to match holidays (unfortunately since spending all her cash on the doll she hasn't been able to see her orthodontist since October, so she's still rocking the orange and black. It's okay though, nobody notices. I mean really, NOBODY notices.)
What do Janice and her doll talk about?
Well when they aren't silently spooning ( which is like ALL the time!) the doll is always bragging about how he is made from the reaction of a diisocyanate with a compound containing at least two active hydrogen
atoms, such as a diol or diamine, meanwhile Janice is always yammering "Whatever, I mean I didn't even want to go to prom. It was probably stupid anyways!" and " Ya huh making out with a doll does too count as going to first base!"
In the mornings there's always a flirtatious race to the toaster oven and wouldn't you know that darn doll wins every time prompting poor ol' Janice to put one hand on her hip, the other hand pointing and coo-ing "Heeeey Leggo my Eggo!"
Once they had a heated debate about adding some new pals to their duo.
The doll suggests that Andy Barclay and his cute little friend would be an ideal choice for a double date but Janice wanted to save up for a $1400 cubic zirconia encrusted cardboard cut out of her dad. They eventually settled on the $21.99 "Tori 9021HO" blow up doll. As we speak, Janice is sewing them all matching California Raisin costumes.
What do Janice and her doll wear to when they summer on Nantucket?
JLo style khaki onesies with lobster belts and Tevas. When it gets chilly at night they wrap themselves up in shame and despair.
What does Janice Su's front look like?
The loneliest person in the world.
What do Janice and her doll talk about?
Masturbation aids don't talk.
What do Jance and her doll wear to when they summer on Nantucket?
They Bahamavention. This is awkward.