Now that crazed theorist Kenneth Eng is behind bars for hammer-swinging and kill-talking, we've come across the hatingest Asian you know's resume and book proposal. (You'll recall the riveting pitch letter.) Why not enjoy them both right now? Keep your eyes peeled for the part where he gets discriminated against on the set of Spider-Man 3.

The proposal:

UNTITLED ASIAN CONTROVERSY PROJECT

By Kenneth C. Eng, novelist

Concept:

This book will focus on the controversy that has been surrounding me since the publication of my article "Why I Hate Blacks". It will also lead into the subject of anti-Asian discrimination and how Asians can fight back. Parts of the book will describe why the very concept of democracy is impossible and why religion is a poison that ultimately leads to persecution of all people, not just Asians.

This will not just be a boring book outlining only the history of discrimination. It will be an honest account of Asian perspective bereft of politically correct garbage. It will include both historical evidence (such as Vincent Chin, Chai Vang and Japanese internment) and anecdotal evidence (such as my experiences with extreme discrimination at NYU, which I have documents to validate). It will also include scientific theories showing why Asians are hated.



Outline:

Prologue - This will explain to the reader how a number of my controversial articles were published in AsianWeek and mention how my article "Why I Hate Blacks" ended up on the front page of the San Francisco Chronicle and many other major newspapers.

Chapter 1, Why I Hate America - This will describe why it is immature to believe that America is and ever was a free country. After briefly going over the history of anti-Asianism, I will prove, using evolutionary theory, that democracy is impossible for the human species.

Chapter 2, Why I Hate Whites - This will be a 30-page doctrine of documented evidence and a few anecdotes that delineates why white people, to put it bluntly, suck. Reasons include the fact that they are obsessed with conformity, their women are sluts, they are physically smaller than Asians, and they take abuse very easily. It will include anecdotes about my fistfights with white students at NYU.

Chapter 3, Why I Hate Italians - This will be another 30-page section in which I show why Italians are enemies of the Asian race. Reasons include Sofia Coppola, Quentin Tarantino, Jon Favreau, Jay Leno, and a number of other "big name celebrities". It will also describe why Italians are an inferior race despite their technological achievements, and include personal recollections about my encounters with Italians (I did grow up in an Italian neighborhood).

Chapter 4, Why I Hate Blacks 2 - This will be a continuation of my article published in AsianWeek. It will further point out the flaws of the black race, including their need to excessively reproduce, their immaturity, their inability to govern, their obsession with conformity and their lack of scientific achievement. It will also describe the many fistfights I have had with blacks during this past year.

Chapter 5, Why I Hate Religion - This section will explain how religion has been a negative impact on Asians and on humanity in general. It will show that Asians are superior in that we have the highest rate of atheism on Earth. In addition to demonstrating why creationism is a ridiculously stupid relic of human complicity, it will include anecdotes of my experiences with religious acolytes.

Chapter 6, Why I Hate The Media - This section will be a rundown of virtually all of the Asians stereotypes that have been in the media lately. Examples are drawn from the shows Lost, 24, Prison Break, Desperate Housewives, The Winner, Heroes, and a few recent movies. It will also describe in detail my experience with discrimination as an extra on the set of Spider-Man 3.

Chapter 7, Why I Hate Asians And Yes I Am Being Sarcastic - As the title of this chapter implies, I do not really hate Asians. Nonetheless, this chapter will point out the silliness of civil protest and why whites, blacks and Italians should not be treated with any kindness. It will include anecdotes of my attempts to use peaceful protest in NYU.

Epilogue - This will summarize the fact that I am not a sexist, homophobic lunatic. It will also be a preemptive strike against expected criticisms.



Marketability:

1. To my knowledge, there is only one existing book about anti-Asian discrimination. This book will be the second, and believe me, it will be more extreme than its predecessor.

2. You may be thinking this is too controversial and will turn off all white and black audience members. Here are a few words to remember - CHINA. 1 BILLION PEOPLE. 60% ATHEIST.

3. My articles received a great amount of publicity in California. I was recently live on FOX News with John Gibson and I have had a number of radio interviews.

4. I am already a published science fiction novelist with three books in print - Dragons: Lexicon Triumvirate, The 0th Dimension and Reincarnation. I have a small fanbase.

5. Bill Maher and Ann Coulter are very hated. That does not stop them from being bestselling authors.



The resume:
KENNETH C. ENG, Novelist

EDUCATION:

New York University, Tisch School of the Arts

BFA Film and Television Production, June 2005

GPA - 3.28

EXPERIENCE:

Published Novelist, June 2004-present

  • 0th Dimension - FurNation Multimedia, February 2007, (advertisement on http://furplanet.com/shop/item.asp?itemid=192)
  • Dragons: Lexicon Triumvirate - DNA Press Science Fiction, March 2005 (advertisement on www.amazon.com)
  • Reincarnation - FurNation Multimedia, March 2007 (advertisement on www.amazon.com)
  • Marketed my own novels and handled publicity
  • Proofread and copy-edited my own novels
  • Handled licensing
  • Directed the artwork on the covers of my novels

    ABC Supersign Operator, December 2006-March 2007
  • Operated the Supersign on 44th Street and 7th Avenue
  • Scheduled animations and videos for playback on the ribbons and Jumbotron
  • Facilitated the management of other signs in Times Square

    Luxury SpaFinder Magazine Production Coordinator, January 2005-March 2005 (terminated for budgetary reasons)
  • Reviewed ad proofs for accuracy
  • Coordinated the receipt and transmittal of ads to Quebecor
  • Understanding of printing and magazine production

    Marvel Comics Editorial Intern, January 2004-May 2004
  • Copy-edited and proofread character encyclopedias and prefaces for the Fantastic Four and Spider-Man series
  • Helped select artwork to be used in character encyclopedias for the Fantastic Four and Spider-Man
  • Scanned, filed, photocopied, and routed paperwork for various Essentials titles, including The Hulk, Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, The X-Men, and Daredevil
  • Gained experience in licensing

    Crossroads Films Intern, September 2003-December 2003
  • Wrote script coverage for incoming solicited and unsolicited submissions
  • Copied, filed and faxed paperwork for projects in production, including A Love Song For Bobby Long

    Paramount Pictures Literary Affairs Intern, December 2002 - May 2003
  • Updated and maintained novel coverage database
  • Copied, filed and faxed novels and novel coverage

    Artist
  • Inker
  • Penciller
  • Painter specializing in acrylics
  • Drew and colored over 100 pieces of art
  • Expert at Photoshop, InDesign, Maya, Dreamweaver and QuarkXPress
  • OTHER PUBLICATIONS:

    Articles
  • "Logical Proof For Solipsism" - Philosophy Today, January 2007
  • "Weird Evolution" - Philosophy Today, February 2007
  • "Why I Hate Blacks" - AsianWeek Newspaper, February 23, 2007
  • "Diary Of An Attack" - AsianWeek Newspaper, February 2, 2007
  • "Why I Hate Asians" - AsianWeek Newspaper, January 12, 2007
  • "Why Non-Violent Protest Will Never Help Asians" - AsianWeek Newspaper, December 22, 2006
  • "NYU Tisch School of the Arts Incident 1" - AsianWeek Newspaper, December 8, 2006
  • "Proof That Whites Inherently Hate Us" - AsianWeek Newspaper, November 24, 2006
  • "Conceptual Theory of Everything", "Everything You Need To Know About Certainty", "A Complete Description of Humanity's Meaning", "Discrimination Against Asians At NYU", "Suicide - The Healthiest Choice", "The Meaning of Life", "Anthropomorphic Principle" "Dimensional Optics" - Down In The Dirt Magazine, (http://scars.tv/dirt/dirt008.htm), (http://scars.tv/dirt/dirt009.htm), (http://scars.tv/dirt/dirt012.htm), (http://scars.tv/dirt/dirt026september05.htm), (http://scars.tv/dirt/dirt027oct05.htm)
  • "The Human Element" - Philosophy Today, December 2005
  • "Comics Are Superior To Novels" - Sequart, March 15, 2006, http://www.sequart.com/articles/

    Short Stories
  • "Glasses" - Bewildering Stories Science Fiction Magazine, November 2005
  • SKILLS:

    Standard computer skills, PC, Macintosh, Photoshop, MS Word, Excel, Office, Maya, speed reading, Spanish, Avid, QuarkXPress, Adobe InCopy, HTML, Bacon's Media Source, Microsoft Office, InDesign, Powerpoint, Content Management Systems, and Dreamweaver.
  • NOTABLE ATTRIBUTES:

    Fastest novelist in America (Dragons: Lexicon Triumvirate finished in a month and a week)

    Youngest SF novelist in America (contracted at age 20)

    Extensive knowledge in quantum physics, metaphysics, mathematics, evolutionary biology and genetic engineering

    23 years old

    Hardest working guy on the planet

    Completed 20 feature-length screenplays and 8 novels (not first drafts, but COMPLETED SCREENPLAYS)



You hear that, bitches? COMPLETED SCREENPLAYS. It's a shame this dude is behind bars.

A wise old man once told us that "Two Kenneth Eng posts in one day is the same as three Julia Allison posts: Two too many." That's probably true, but we don't really give a shit about what we're putting up here anymore today (Hey Servers, Suck my weeeeeeeinieeeee! Suck it!), so here we are.