Avenue, the magazine of choice for the filthy rich, put Allison Sarofim on their new cover. The young(ish) socialite is sitting on an Eames chair in a Chanel dress. What looks to be a script lies open on the floor. "Downtown Doyenne," proclaims the headline: "Allison Sarofim takes the party south." Why do we never think about her? We have been missing out!

Allison is an "actress, art patron, Domino contributing editor and society staple." According to her IMDB profile, "after extensive training" her brilliant thespian career includes the role of a Dryad and a Centaur in The Chronicles of Narnia. Having grown up in Houston, the daughter of a dude nicknamed "The Sphinx," Sarofim is well-equipped to compare New York City's social scene to that of her native Texas, "There's a competitive spirit between uptown and downtown that's very similar to Dallas and Houston." We're guessing downtown is Dallas but even that is like saying, "Yeah, there's a competitive spirit between uptown and downtown that's very similar to poop and throw up." Either way, both uptown and downtown loses.

In this version of reality, Sarofim's Halloween parties are the events of the season. Last year, it was Heironymous Bosch-themed. "This year," Serafim "enthuses," "I might do Dante's Inferno." and if this means downtown socialite Euan "We love the sense of village" Rellie plays Ugolino della Gherardesca to his children Heathcliff and Titus, we're all for it.

In the meantime, if you haven't spotted Sarofim, don't kick yourself too hard. "Her family has a house on Oahu and she is quick to point out that she travels more off the continent than she does to clothing stores on Madison AVenue." Suck on that, Arden Wohl!