"The Ethicist" is Randy Cohen's long-running advice column in the New York Times. Each week, Gabriel Delahaye's "The Unethicist" will answer the same questions as "The Ethicist," with obvious differences.

This week, in honor of the nation's fallen, the Unethicist is drunk. But what kind of drunk? A raging, out-of-control, "fuck you and your family!" kind of drunk? An amorous, in love with the world, "you're my best friend" lush? A quiet, unobtrusive, gazing at the ceiling type? Is he drunk because his Christmas sweaters have been beset by moths? Because of Dick Cheney? Because he is secretly gay but cannot admit it? Because of...you?

I am a single 62-year-old woman with a full-time job. Two years ago I allowed my 87-year-old mother, then quite ill, to live in my home with a 24/7 caretaker. Mother is now in good health, with mild dementia, but still needs the caretaker. I would desperately like them out of my home. None of my six siblings can take her in. What is my obligation? — name withheld, California

I'm on vacation. I am drunk.

I am a retired orthopedic surgeon who volunteers at a clinic for the indigent elderly. I treated a woman who has obviously been crippled by a surgeon. She will soon lose the ability to walk and has chronic pain. She is unaware of her right to sue for malpractice. Am I obligated to inform her, particularly when I know that she will need the money for continuing care? — name withheld, Florida

Seriously. I'm drunk.