Second time tragedy, third time barf! Rudy Giuliani, on whose watch occurred the worst terrorist attack in U.S. history, is, by all accounts, still running for president. Rolling Stone's magical politics man Matt Taibbi has been following the barnyard generalissimo around, and it turns out he's worse than the Bushes ("George Bush has balls, too, but even he has to bow to this motherfucker.") and saying inappropriate things to your kids:

"America's Mayor" is back on the campaign trail — in a room packed with standard-issue Adorable Schoolchildren, in this case beatific black kids in elementary school uniforms with wide eyes and big RUDY stickers pinned to their oblivious breasts.Giuliani has good stage presence, but his physical appearance is problematic — virtually neckless, all shoulders and forehead and overbite, with a hunched-over, Draculoid posture that recalls, oddly enough, George W. Bush, the vestigial stoop of a once-chubby kid who grew up hiding tittie pictures from nuns.

Oh, it gets better...Truly, we're just happy someone else jumped on the Gawker Weekend Anti-Fascist Bandwagon:

Rudy Giuliani is a true American hero, and we know this because he does all the things we expect of heroes these days — like make $16 million a year, and lobby for Hugo Chávez and Rupert Murdoch, and promote wars without ever having served in the military, and hire a lawyer to call his second wife a "stuck pig," and organize absurd, grandstanding pogroms against minor foreign artists, and generally drift through life being a shameless opportunist with an outsize ego who doesn't even bother to conceal the fact that he's had a hard-on for the presidency since he was in diapers. In the media age, we can't have a hero humble enough to actually be one; what is needed is a tireless scoundrel, a cad willing to pose all day long for photos, who'll accept $100,000 to talk about heroism for an hour, who has the balls to take a $2.7 million advance to write a book about himself called Leadership. That's Rudy Giuliani. Our hero. And a perfect choice to uphold the legacy of George W. Bush.

Some more alarming mental images: Rudy is prone to flashing "queer smile[s]" and "in his years as mayor — and his subsequent career as a lobbyist — jumped into bed with anyone who could afford a rubber." Then, of course, there's the whole using-engorging-tragedy-to-flout-the-democratic-transfer- of-government thing.In short, Run Mike, Run. Save us before Bernie Kerik declares martial law and Judith Nathan puts an above-ground pool on the South Lawn. We'll all stop smoking; whatever you want.Giuliani: Worse Than Bush [RS]