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Earlier today, sensing that the residents of his sleepy municipality might have been startled by the locust-like swarm of helicopters suddenly darkening the morning sky, West Hollywood Mayor Pro Tempore Jeff Prang issued a statement to his constituents aimed at soothing nerves frayed by the arrival of the noisy, airborne interlopers:

Dear Neighbors:

I have received an enormous number of calls and e-mails today about the helicopters hovering over the City. As you may know, Paris Hilton lives in Los Angeles, just off the Sunset Strip and immediately adjacent to West Hollywood. Given the publicity and controversy surrounding her recent incarceration and re-assignment to house arrest, the media has converged on our community, including a flock of helicopters.

While things should be quieter in the aftermath of today's mob-pleasing decision, there's nothing he can do about the media's whirlybird armada should Paris Hilton's announced appeal go through and she returns to her house to finish the monthlong home-imprisonment clusterfuck she tried to kick off yesterday. But on the bright side, if she's re-released from Century, the economic boost to the local luxury baked goods sector should help offset any quality-of-life hit the city might experience.

The full e-mail follows after the jump:

> From: "Mayor Pro Tempore Jeff Prang" > Date: June 8, 2007 10:36:45 AM PDT > To: [redacted] > Subject: Paris Hilton & Helicopter Noise >

> June 8, 2007
>
>
> HELICOPTER NOISE
>
> Dear Neighbors:
>
> I have received an enormous number of calls and e-mails today about
> the helicopters hovering over the City. As you may know, Paris Hilton
> lives in Los Angeles, just off the Sunset Strip andimmediately
> adjacent to West Hollywood. Given the publicity and controversy
> surrounding her recent incarceration and re-assignment to house
> arrest, the media has converged onour community, including a flock of
> helicopters.
>
> Like many of you, I too was woken this morning about 5:30 AM by
> helicopters. However, I want to let you know that the City of West
> Hollywood and the Sheriff's Department, as well as the City of Los
> Angeles and their Police Department, have no authority or jurisdiction
> over airspace and helicopters hovering overhead.Aircraft remain
> underthe exclusive control of the federal government and the Federal
> Aviation Administration (FAA).
>
> West Hollywood and hundreds of other cities have protested the serious
> impacts of hovering helicopters, particularly news and paparazzi
> helicopters, for many years to no avail.
>
> While we shall again register our objections to our federal
> representatives and ask for more local regulatory authority, I also
> want to offer some suggestions for you. If you feel strongly that
> helicopters hovering over densely populated residential neighborhoods
> is a problem that needs fixing, please contact West Hollywood's
> federal representatives and the FAA:
>
> U.S. Senator Barbara Boxer
> U. S. Senator Dianne Feinstein
> U. S Representative Henry Waxman
>
> You can also call the "Assignment Desk" at local television stations
> and register your complaints about their news helicopters and their
> negative impact on the community.
>
> Channel 2
> Channel 4
> Channel 5
> Channel 7
> Channel 9
> Channel 11
> Channel 13
>
> I regret that I cannot do more as a member of the City Council to help
> relieve our neighborhoods of this problem, but I am certain that our
> representatives and the news stations would be pleased to know your
> views on the subject.
>
> Best regards,
>

> JEFFREY PRANG
> Mayor Pro Tempore