The Cream Of The Crop
It's a very special edition of everyone's favorite hipster-hating feature, Blue States Lose! And by very special, we mean that Alex Blagg punked out on us today, so rather than scan endless photos from the Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, MisShapes, and wherever the hell else Blagg usually looks ourselves, we've selected some of the greatest moments from the column thus far. See them again for the very first time. Ladies and gentleman, it's the office picks of the Best of Blue States Lose!
10. The Cobrasnake. Afternoon Beerbath photo #0581: This is the hipster hand signal for "Help, I'm fat and balding, and have recently arrived at the realization that my current lifestyle, particularly when one considers my age, is completely and hopelessly ridiculous. What the fuck am I supposed to do now!?!"
9. Ambrel. David Lachappelle Party photo #7578: If coolguy could stop rocking the fuck out for just a second, maybe he could take the phone call telling him he's the last fad-whore in a terrorist scarf at the cliche party. But now he'll never know.
8. Misshapes. January 20th, 2007 photo #094: There are not one, but TWO pictures of Coldstare getting all cozy with Max "Dad Gets Me Movie Roles Despite My Not Having Any Discernible Acting Talent Other Than This Slacked Jaw" Minghella. Should we start considering the terrifying possibility of these two might procreate and deliver unto the world the most fabulously dumb child it has ever known? Sure, it would be drooling all the time - but it would be drooling sparkly GLITTER!
7. The Cobrasnake. Art Craft Spaceship photo #2923: This kid's been showing up on The Cobrasnake for months now and I've never liked it, but it's time to call to Child Services. For serious. And before you get all, "He's just a kid running around naked and having a good time!", why don't you peep out the Nambla posse he's rolling with. [WARNING: NSFW. Or anywhere, probably.]
6. Nicky Digital. Motherfucker @ Webster Hall photo #44554: Holy shit, even Derrida couldn't deconstruct the infinitely complex layers of everything that is wrong with this guy.
5. The Cobrasnake. Peach Pressure photo #1978: Anyone who's ever accidentally left the house wearing a silver leotard, giant retard glasses, hot pink make-up, scary radioactive cat-eye contacts, and a rubber ducky hat, then realized their nipple was hanging out, will be glad to know that they are not alone.
4. Misshapes. May 19th, 2007 photo #066: Little Scotty Mouthbreather's mom probably never let him near a playground when he was a kid on account of mental inabilities, so while all the other Misshapes kids are guzzling vodka, snorting heroin and experimenting with homosexuality, he just goes apeshit on whatever climbing instrument he can find. If he didn't look like such an idiot, this would actually be sort of sweet.
3. Last Night's Party. Poutine photo #5386: Conceptually, the Crazy Ex-girlfriend Scary Clown seems like a pretty good idea for a party costume. Though all the pants that will be pooped in sheer terror just aren't very practical.
2. The Cobrasnake. Island Salad Pie photo #0626: I like to think that this picture represents the first time the fates of Cory and Cobra became intertwined. He was in a toy store looking for some wacky ironic fashion accessory to wear to that night's party. She was in a toy store looking for toys. The rest is the stuff of Internet It Girl legend.
1. Misshapes. December 16th, 2006 photo #047: Sometimes I wonder whether there's a moment, within hipster photographs, in which these asstards stop and wonder to themselves, "Is this really what my life is about? Standing in an over-hyped bar, swilling down enough booze to kid myself into believing that I'm not too old for this shit, pretending to have the time of my life so some dude can take my picture and post it up to a website whose entire purpose is to reinforce an absurd idea of "cool" that is wholly irrelevant outside of a very small group of people foolish enough to believe otherwise? What the fuck am I doing?" Nah, I'm sure they just think, "Woooooooo! Get me some more Sparks, you dapper-ass fatso!"
