Paris Hilton Released From Jail; As Expected, World A Far Better Place
At around 12:15 a.m. last night, Paris Hilton was quietly released from the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, ending a 23-day sentence so harrowing that the troubled heiress found God and has publicly rededicated a life notoriously defined by the hollow pursuit of unearned fame to serving, like, cancer kids or other jail-type people, you know, whatever the publicist tells her will get those angry mobs to not show up at her the debut of her new Incarcerated perfume burning her orange-jumpsuited effigy. As you can see in the above video, the late-night release was effective in easing press congestion around the prison, drawing only the most dedicated two hundred or so local journalists to bathe the reborn heiress in the warm, familiar light of their flashbulbs, making Hilton's emotional reunion with her mother every bit as special as the typical night out at Hyde.