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While we're all undoubtedly exhausted from the wall-to-wall coverage of Lindsay Lohan's combination DUI/coke-in-pants arrest, we would be remiss if we did not offer some discussion of the possible legal consequences of the troubled™ starlet's Denali-racing, second-assistant-stalking transgressions. Let the Lohan FuckageWatch begin with this excerpt from an ABC News examination of celebrity jurisprudence in a post-Hilton Los Angeles:

Driving with a suspended license, when the suspension was for drunken driving, carries a mandatory 10-day jail sentence under California law.

But the drug charges lodged against Lohan raise the possibility of significant jail time, though lawyers said the exact amount would be impossible to predict.

"The cocaine takes it to a new level. That's a felony," said criminal defense attorney Neil Shouse, a former assistant district attorney. "This is a very bad situation for Lindsay."

Shouse said Lohan could be sent to prison for up to three years on the drug charges, though he expected her to receive a much shorter sentence, if convicted. A sentence of 90 to 120 days in jail would not be uncommon in similar circumstances, Shouse said, though a judge could opt to order Lohan to undergo drug treatment instead.

"Some sort of in-patient treatment or jail time would be typical in this scenario," he said. "She certainly has encountered some legal woes with this situation."

Lawrence Taylor, a former deputy district attorney and deputy public defender in Los Angeles who specializes in DUI cases, agreed. "She's definitely in some deep water," he said. "It's impossible to predict, but my best guess is she could be looking at anywhere from 30 to 180 days."

Given that the actress's first two stints in rehab left something to be desired in inculcating a lasting, sober lifestyle, and considering that Paris Hilton's brief stay in prison accomplished little but provide a brief economic lift to the local helicopter-fuel industry, we predict that the judge eventually assigned to the case will try a more radical approach to solving the Lohan Problem. In a last-ditch effort to save the starlet from her powdery, pants-dwelling demons, she'll be sentenced to wear a custom-made SCRAM collar specially calibrated to explode upon the detection of any cocaine entering her system, a deterrent designed to finally help her realize just how dangerous the drug is to her health.