Early yesterday, we discussed how fearless celebrity newsmagazine Entertainment Tonight challenged us all to question the Santa Monica Police Department-sanctioned version of events we'd been spoon-fed since Tuesday morning, daring us to plumb the dark places in our souls that seduced us into assuming that Lindsay Lohan was the driver of the assistant-pursuing Denali and the owner of the cocaine-laden pants that were the actress's undoing. This morning, however, TMZ has interviewed three men who were along for the ride—both literally and figuratively—during Lohan's DUI meltdown, who share the story of their harrowing experience as hostages of the road-raging starlet. The Today Show has condensed much of the story into an easily digestible video package (see the clip above), but you'll want to read TMZ's four-part epic, dramatic scenes from which are excerpted here:

According to the group, Lindsay suddenly jumped in the driver's seat of the Denali, started the engine and began driving — chasing the assistant's car. Ronnie says he was so fearful, he jumped out of the vehicle as it accelerated. Just as he hit the ground, he says Lindsay ran over his foot and just kept going.

Dante and Jakon say Lindsay then hit Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu. Dante says he tried to grab the wheel, prompting Lindsay to say, "If you touch me I'll sue you." Jakon says they pleaded with her to stop. [...]

Dante says they were going 100 MPH. They say Lindsay caught up with the assistant and began doing circles on PCH, around the assistant's car.

They say at one point, Lindsay boasted, "I can't get in trouble. I'm a celebrity. I can do whatever the f**k I want." [...]

Dante realized the mother was driving to the police station and warned Lindsay if she didn't stop she'd get in hot water. He says Lindsay responded, "I'm a celebrity. I'm not going to get in trouble."

The two cars stopped in a parking lot near the cop shop. When police arrived, Dante says it seemed as if Lindsay told officers, "I wasn't driving. The black kid was driving."

Dante and Jakon say they saw Lindsay flunk the field sobriety test. They say when she tried touching her nose, she almost fell over.

The report makes no mention of which of the three guys Lohan has accused of being the owner of the coke-pants she somehow found herself wearing prior to her carjacking of the Denali (our guess is it will be the white kid, as she'll probably want to racially balance her finger-pointing a bit), but we expect a "family insider" to provide this missing piece of the blame-deflecting puzzle in a sitdown with ET later this evening.

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