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It looks like the sluggish fist of justice is finally inching closer to coming down on R. Kelly. Proceedings about those five-year old child-pornography charges, the filing of which prompted this deeply sensitive, profound artiste to release a single entitled "Heaven I Need A Hug," at last have a start date:

Cook County Judge Vincent Gaughan said jury selection would begin September 17.

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Kelly, 40, whose real name is Robert Kelly, faces up to 15 years in jail if convicted of videotaping himself having sex with an underage girl.

If R. (who, incidentally, has pled not guilty to raining his divine bladder juice all over that girl in the video) goes to the pokey, the dreams he once professed of Trapped In The Closet: The Talk Show tragically may not materialize, although Trapped In The Prison Yard and all the sexy shenanigans that could entail might make an able substitute.

Indeed, one wonders if the freshly sweaty palms of R.'s defense attorney prompted him to hurry up and finish the next installments of his resplendent musical soap opera in time for an August release; it already seems to have influenced his series recap/preview of Chapter 13, in which a white-suited R. — occasionally, several of them — pops up and sings, "OH SHIT!" at every big plot twist. America, welcome to R.'s subconscious. Bring some Lysol. And perhaps a spatula of mistrust.