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One set of celebrity children who will likely never stare back at you from underneath a magazine headline reading HELP! is Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's multicultural brood—unless, of course, the story in question seeks to expose how the doting parents are suffocating their orphan collection with too much love. The new issue of Life & Style boasts 10! pages! of exclusive! pics of the weekend-long celebration of Maddox's sixth year, which no less a source than Brad himself is said to have declared the tyke's "best birthday ever."

Certainly, the day was made extra-special by the attentive dad's surprise gift to the eldest of his largely hand-picked clan: the ability to cast the sibling of his choice from their overcrowded family. It came as no shock that the boy selected Shiloh, who despite their mommy's best attempts at instilling a sense of humility in the overprivileged blob, always seemed unacceptably smug about her status as Pitt and Jolie's only "real" child." Following Maddox's decision, the baby was placed in a stroller by a bodyguard and wheeled to a nearby Santa Barabara spa, where she was quickly scooped up by a vacationing couple from L.A., who hoped to flip her on eBay for a staggering profit once they returned home.