Union Square, Ruined
IN the taxonomy of New York City, the mere mention of a certain neighborhood conjures an image of its local tribe: the Williamsburg hipster. The meatpacking district club-goer. The Park Slope Earth Mama. But whom does Union Square conjure?
Well, according to the Times, which posed the question this weekend, health-conscious, yoga-studying, post-hippie freaks with disposable cash and a willingness to spend it on crap like organic dry cleaning and wheatgrass smoothies.
What's worse, most of these people come from all over the city to enjoy the neighborhood's trendy "environmentally friendly" shops and services. While there, they can also enjoy the incoherent and ineffectual protests that take place at the Square's south end, or spend time dodging the idiot skateboarders who crash about without helmets because, hey, there's nothing in those skulls of theirs to protect. It's gotten so bad that even the few remaining junkies in the area are being pressured into using needles made from recycled plastic. Still, there are those who express doubts about the new character of the area:
Rosie Kanellis, 41, a textile designer who comes from Williamsburg, Brooklyn, to shop at the Greenmarket, said that the area had become too corporate, and that she was "opposed to the Whole Foods" because "it's quick-fix healthy."
If you ever wonder why your editor here is so surly all the time, we'll let you in on a little secret. We live near the square, and we have to deal with all these people on a daily basis. And don't get us started with the schmucks from Critical Mass or the jackasses who line up to buy falafel from the trendy new Dutch chain when some of the best falafel in the city can be found on the other side of the square in a storefront which we will not describe for you because we don't want any of you going there. Honestly, if there's some way we can bring back all the drug addicts and chase out the Earth-loving cash droppers, we promise that we will never buy another grass-fed bison strip steak from the Greenmarket again. Hell, we'd even take the dingy old Bradlee's back. Deal?
