We don't have the T.V. on, so we missed the just-concluded second-ever episode of the Star Jones show on Court TV. Fortunately, we are getting a barrage of horrified real-time updates via IM. It sounds really, really bad.

Relays our correspondent in real time:

Page Six's Paula Froelich is on the Star Jones show right now.
It is the ladies chatting.
Her and Vivica Fox and some other chick and Star.
The third is Rita Crosby— so I guess two women and Rita and Star.
Paula says we are still a third world country.
She won a $50 bet from John Gibson that there were no WMDs. SHE KNEW.
Paula just told a story about being set up on a date with a friend's ex husband—they're all yelling so I can't hear. It is like a public access show without the great graphics and professional production.
The segment just ended.
Her guest is Dustin Diamond now, via satellite, talking about celeb sex tapes.
She just doesn't understand it. She says it was a career boost for him. "Excuses are tool of the incompetent—they build blah blah blah" she said to Dustin.
With the fakey black southern thing and the mumbling she is tough to hear.
She said she did some research on this sex tape thing.
"Kim Kardashian, she gettin' paid"—"Paris Hilton, she gettin' paid."
Guess the Star-Al tape won't be coming out. Oh well.
Now she transitions to a story on the soldier who had someone shoot him so that he didn't have to go back to Iraq.
I can't go on because my head exploded a minute ago.
Okay. Finally done with that solder who shot himself... Ooh, Star's open letter is coming up.
They said there was part 2 of the lame Isiah Washington interview from yesterday coming but they never aired it—that is good b/c they spent 20-25 minutes with him yesterday and never mentioned why he was booted from Grey's Anatomy.
The Open Letter: allows me to talk with you and be honest and direct. She rang the opening bell at the stock exchange and more Americans are losing jobs to Indians (India Indians—not here-first Indians) and that isn't right. All for trade and global economy but self preservation starts at home. HUH? Oh—and part 2 of Isiah Washinton interview is tomorrow...now go discuss amongst yourselves.
Is that stolen from Mike Myers on SNL?

Aren't you glad you have to stay at work and miss daytime T.V.?