Lindsay Lohan Achieves Moment Of Clarity While Screwing In Rehab Stairwell
In learning to live without the little narcotic helpers that had landed her in rehab an impressive three times before her 22nd birthday during her prolonged stay at Cirque Lodge, Lindsay Lohan was encouraged to seek out different, potentially less self-destructive ways to temporarily blunt the pain and alienation that comes with worldwide celebrity. According to the ex-fiancee of the fellow addict with whom Lohan most closely bonded at the facility, the troubled actress made great strides in her recovery by availing herself of Cirque's innovative Fucking in Stairwells Therapy:
"I've stuck by Riley through the good and the bad," she said. "But when he finally confessed to me that he had sex with Lindsay in one of the stairwells at Cirque - that was it, we were done."
Though Lohan never directly credited Cirque Lodge's copulation-based methods for making her finally "look at myself and all the people, places and things in my life in a different way," it seems clear that they were responsible for her successful completion of the rehabilitation program. And to ensure that she won't suffer a relapse in these first, crucial post-rehab weeks, she plans to take the Sober Fuck Buddy Cirque has assigned to her everywhere she goes, who'll be available to drag her into the nearest stairwell, janitorial closet, or boutique dressing room for a restorative screw any time the urge to use returns.
