Our resident legal expert is our very own commenter, KarenUhOh. We call upon Karen to weigh in on the legal activities of the day—but don't forget that any legal opinions should not be constituted as advice; laws may vary state by state; in general, you should read at your own risk!

There's a great peril of these modern times. All the ideas are taken! Nothing original is left! Every bon mot and swell idea has been used, and what's more, those who own those ideas all retain high-priced law firms. Take poor Jennifer Cassetta, for instance. She's a "New York fitness/martial-arts instructor" who started a business called "Health and the City," for which she now wants to obtain a legal trademark from the U.S. Patent Office.

Oh, but noooo, say those hyperventélattéd folks at HBO. Seems they have a little franchise you may have heard of, a TV show-soon-to-be-Major Motion Picture starring various aging Actresses desperately seeking Major Motion Paydays before the well, uh, dries up. (A Picture that is unendingly being filmed, by the way.)

According to the Law Blog of the Wall Street Journal, HBO and its lawyers oppose Ms. Casetta's application, but have been kind enough to suggest a name change for her biz—to "Health in the City." But she's incurred costs already for building the business with the allegedly infringing name, and she doesn't want to blow her own wad starting over. So she's standing on her application.

Bad news, lady. HBO always goes to the mat to protect Carrie and her Sisters.

The medicine ball's in HBO's court now—they've got until 11/18 to oppose the application, which in "similar" past situations, they've done: they've had legal issues with businesses called Scents In the City (why is the "in" not OK here?), Flex In the City (ditto), and Handbags & the City (too close to the truthbone for HBO?).

(She's not the only one taking on HBO. One Odelia Bittone seems to be standing by her application for "Sex and the City of Angels": "Printed publications, namely columns, magazine articles, and books in the field of relationships, love, sex, and living in Los Angeles, CA." That might not go very well! "An opposition is now pending at the Trademark Trial and Appeal Board.")

Here's your tutorial: you register a tradename, trademark, or service mark with the government in order to build legal protection for your valuable brand—so you can sue the shit out of infringers and get to some real money. It keeps leeches from sponging off your five minutes' hard work.

HBO holds trademarks for "Sex and the City" for use on posters and calendars; for "cosmetic brushes, eye shadow brushes, eyebrow brushes, lip brushes, make-up brushes, nail brushes and powder puffs"; for videogames, computer games, ringtones; for "trivia games, namely trivia cards"; for "makeup remover in the form of a pen," make-up kits, "nail enamel corrector pen, namely, nail enamel remover in the form of a pen," and "cosmetic facial blotting papers," as well as "perfume, perfume oils, eau de perfume," body spray, wax strips, shaving lotion, shaving mousse, false eyelashes and glue for false eyelashes; coin purses, clutch bags, duffel bags, luggage; lingerie, scarves, panties, pajamas, bras; drinking glasses and shot glasses; and "APPAREL, NAMELY T-SHIRTS AND HATS."

They've sort of got it covered!

When you think someone is invading your sacred territory, like when Japan went into China, or when Tila Tequila and Katie Couric showed up in your sexual fantasy, the law examines a couple major areas.

1) is there a "likelihood of confusion" caused by the interloper's choice of a name or mark? (Such as: does everyone head over to Scents in the City when they want a whiff of Sarah Jessica Parker?) The criteria is: Would it lead the "ordinary and prudent purchaser" to become flushed and confused.

And!

2) Did the new name "dilute your brand" by, essentially, sucking off your customer base (multiple interps there, but they all work) and "blur or tarnish" your good name? In other words, does Samantha go all four-eyed and start to turn green when you crunch your squats?

The "legal experts" who make up the Comments on the WSJ blog are skeptical that HBO can pull this off, which is all you need to know, since the only comment worth your time is by "Am I Confused too?" who writes, "If I went to a place called Health and the City I would expert to get a rubdown from Kristin Davis."

If that's not blurry and tarnished, then let me finish drinking the silver polish.

I'd say "Here's my take" here, but fellow lawyer (and MSNBC pundit) Dan Abrams probably has lawyers for that, so, here's Our Ruling: Get the fuck over it. You're HBO. You've got syndication rights until the 22nd century. You have that film in production, which'll do boxcar numbers well into the second week of July, when it's knocked off its perch by "What The Fockers?"

Jessica Cassetta's got her own workout space... and the name she chose for it is so friggin' vague it won't prevent a soul from toppling over a tumbler of Mountain Dew to change the channel when your overwrought, worn-out TV show comes on for the 500th time with that moronic episode about Carrie moving to Paris.

Oh Carrie. Why the fuck couldn't she just have stayed?